


Not That Bad

by JoJiHo



Category: NCT (Band), WayV (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lee Taeyong Needs a Hug, Lee Taeyong-centric, Mentions of Cancer, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Protective Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Sad Lee Taeyong, Suicide Attempt, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:28:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 35,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24425776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoJiHo/pseuds/JoJiHo
Summary: "It's just a migraine. You don't need to stress it."Except, it was not just that, probably.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun & Lee Taeyong, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung & Lee Taeyong, Kim Jungwoo & Lee Taeyong, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Lee Taeyong, Lee Taeyong & Everyone, Lee Taeyong & Moon Taeil, Lee Taeyong & Nakamoto Yuta, Lee Taeyong & Suh Youngho | Johnny, Lee Taeyong/Everyone, Mark Lee & Lee Taeyong
Comments: 116
Kudos: 336





	1. Chapter-1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [White Dwarf](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16499357) by [Anonymous_Introvert78](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous_Introvert78/pseuds/Anonymous_Introvert78). 



> I would like to notify that this fic may have some similarities with other fics, but I assure the plot is different from the rest, and I even have the permission to use their fics as my inspiration.
> 
> Enjoy the fic!

"It's just a migraine. You don't need to stress it."

  
"Oh, come on. Getting checked isn't going to kill you, Tae."

  
"Why are you trying to convince me, when we are already done with the tests?" Taeyong argued back, his hands folding on his chest. Johnny sighed as he ruffled his hair. Just then, the manager pulled the car in front of them, and Johnny opened to doors to push Taeyong and himself into the car.

  
"And don't go around telling the others in the dorm." Taeyong warned, and Johnny couldn't argue, when Taeyong was using his leader tone.

  
The dorm was quite lively, though it was almost 11 at night. _Blame Haechan's never-ending energy_. Johnny thought. Taeyong silently retreated into his room, and Johnny was left with a handful of an over-energetic Haechan, whining the whole time to play with him.

* * *

Three days later, Taeyong decided to revisit the hospital, to collect the MRI and CT Scan reports, and Johnny decided to tag along. The manager, Hyesung, drove them to the hospital, leaving them to wait in the lobby as he parked their car. Johnny settled in the chairs in front of the reception area, while Taeyong reached around the receptionist to inform the doctor of their appointment.

"Can we get an appointment for Dr. Yoon?" Taeyong asked politely. His face was covered with a mask, his hair trapped in his snap back and the only thing visible to the person in front of him, was his eyes. Dr. Yoon was their regular doctor, who worked in the ER generally, and almost all the NCT members knew him. Each time they were injured, or fainted from endless practices, it was always Dr. Yoon who checked up on them.

The receptionist looked through her ready-shift diary, before lifting her head back up.

"I'm sorry, but Dr. Yoon is off-duty today." She said, with an apologetic smile. Taeyong's neck snapped back, and Johnny could almost see the frown in his lips. While he was talking to the receptionist, Hyesung came in after parking and headed to the reception. Taeyong whispered something to him, probably explained the situation, and his eyebrows scrunched together. He guided Taeyong back to where Johnny was seated.

"Be here for a while. I'll talk to the nurses if they know about something." Hyesung explained.

"And what if we don't get anything?" Johnny asked.

"Then we can obviously return. And the next time, we'll have to arrange with Dr. Yoon. You can't always expect him to be in the ER, waiting for us." Hyesung joked, and both Taeyong and Johnny laughed. With that Hyesung went off to find a nurse, who would find him the reports, and Johnny and Taeyong waited in the uncomfortable seats.

* * *

"Are hospital chairs always this uncomfortable?" Johnny asked, wriggling around in the chairs. His hip bones pained, as if the seat was puncturing into them.

"How about we play Animal Crossing to keep you occupied?" Taeyong suggested, already pulling out his phone. They played the game for some time, but even Taeyong got bored while sitting around in the hospital chairs. They do hurt. He wondered how people sat in them, while they waited for hours-long surgeries to end. He got up from the chairs, putting his phone back in his pocket, and stretched himself in the corridor. The ER was unusually empty, but Taeyong was thankful that he had to take a little less care to hide himself.

He walked into the ER, wondering what took his manager so much time to ask around, and saw the familiar nurses. _Another visit, and I'm about to go around, calling them Noona_. He cursed mentally. He stepped up the nurse station, sliding his mask down slightly, so the nurses could recognize him. As expected, the nurses lit up at the appearance of the idol. While some of them were basically fans, the older nurses were more of a familiar parent-like figure to them.

"Hello, Nurse Kim. It's been long." Taeyong greeted.

"Well, it's been long, but not that I'm sad. It's better if we see you kids less around this area. Don't you think?" Nurse Kim said, with a heart-warming smile settling on her face. Taeyong apparently forgot what he was here for, as he talked on with Nurse Kim how Jaemin was showing no signs of any further back-related problems, and how Jisung became more careful with slippery stages, since the last time he came into the ER with a severely swollen foot.

"So, why are you here now? Everything's fine, right?" Nurse Kim asked, worry painting her features.

"I was having severe headache the past month. So Doyoung suggested to get it checked. Most probably a migraine, though." Taeyong explained. Nurse Kim chuckled at that.

"That kid definitely knows a thing or two more than he is supposed to." She stated, and both Taeyong and Nurse Kim couldn't help but agree upon it. "So what about the reports? What do they say?" She asked.

"I don't know. I'm here to get them today. But Dr. Yoon's off-duty today, so we'll probably have to come another day for it." Taeyong said, leaning on the marble of the nurse station.

"How about I help you? I cannot get you your exact reports, that only Dr. Yoon can, but I can at least help you get a basic diagnosis." Nurse Kim suggested. Taeyong jerked up at that, his eyes expectant. He nodded enthusiastically, and Nurse Kim smiled at the younger's antics.

"Hold it, kid. I still can't confirm if you even got your reports or not. Let me tell someone to run that." Nurse Kim scolded, although playfully, before she called for another practicing nurse to check the reports in the previous three days record. The young girl who seemed almost Taeyong's age, nodded before running off to check for the required document. While she searched for them, Taeyong and Nurse Kim talked some more, and Taeyong had warned her about the upcoming comebacks, and told her to expect their kids running into the ER at midnight.

The young trainee nurse returned, her original smile wiped off completely from her face. While Taeyong was oblivious of her change in demeanor, Nurse Kim was quick to notice, ushering her to the nurse station. As she calmed down, her face turned to the idol leaning onto the marble, his eyes wide and fixed on the trainee. The words that spilled out of her mouth tilted Tayeong's world to a dangerous angle, leaving him to grip onto something to hold him upright.

"They say it- it's _brain cancer_."


	2. Chapter-2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for face-off.
> 
> With truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The /''/ part is kind of describing the past.

Taeyong didn't know how he ended up in Johnny arms wrapped tight around him, but he could definitely use the security that it brings along. At some point of time, the sobs had died down, and he had no tears left in him to cry, but his heart still felt heavy, and his brain overloaded. He was in the car, when his senses came back to him, but the car wasn't moving. He was thankful for it. He couldn't handle any more overstimulation.

"Yongie. Talk to me." Johnny commanded, but it was so soft that Taeyong felt his tears rolling down again at it. Hyesung was bending at an awkward angle to keep an eye on Taeyong.

_/"I would like to collect MRI and CT Scan reports by the name of Mr. Lee Taeyong. Doctor-in-charge is Dr. Yoon of ER." Hyesung informed at the counter. The nurses had told him that if he wanted the reports, he had to collect them at the lab reports center. The lab reports center was one floor above the ER, and he didn't expect Taeyong or Johnny to cause any trouble in the meanwhile. The person on duty had looked through the computer, and raised his head to answer. "I'm sorry, sir. But Dr. Yoon isn't available right now, and I'm afraid I can't provide the reports without the permission of the physician. But you can collect them after three days. I'm sure we'll be able to do that. We're really sorry for the inconvenience." The man apologized. Hyesung nodded and thanked him, and headed downstairs, but was redirected to the ER, where he was met a hysteric Taeyong. Big, fat tears were rolling down his eyes, and he sat scrunched up on the ground. To avoid putting up any show, he guided the idol to the nearby bed available, drawing the curtains. He turned to Nurse Kim and asked, "What happened?" Nurse Kim herself looked pained to answer, and Hyesung felt fear climbing up his spine. "I sent for someone to look for his reports. Th-They say it's brain cancer." She said, and the words had Taeyong panicking even more in his arms, thrashing around./_

Hyesung didn't have the courage to console him, to tell him that 'It'll be okay', because he himself isn't so sure. Johnny knew what was going on, but he refused to believe it, until Taeyong himself tells him what's wrong. A part of him wants to believe that he heard Hyesung wrong, that Taeyong was just injured, hurt and pained. It was much better than the two words that tumbled out of their manager's mouth. He still hugged Taeyong tight, assuring and reassuring the boy that everything would be alright. But neither Johnny nor Taeyong actually believed it. Soon Taeyong calmed down enough to explain to Johnny, but the moment the two cursed words slipped his tongue, his eyes were back to being watery.

"How about we get you somewhere else than the dorms?" Johnny suggested, and Taeyong snapped his head up to match his eyes. Taeyong's eyes were wide and curious, and Johnny was proud to have him distracted even for just a second. He locked his eyes though the mirror with Hyesung and mouthed, _'Anywhere, but not dorms'_. Hyesung nodded as he drove in the opposite direction from their home. Taeyong stared into the greenery that passed through, and even Johnny was enticed by the fresh air that rolled in the moment they led the windows down.

It was still fairly bright, being nearly 4 in the afternoon, the hot breeze taking a cooler shade, and Taeyong settled down on the grass. He starfished out, as he laid down and stared at the sky. Johnny took his seat beside him, and followed the various shapes of the clouds above him.

"When they say ignorance is bliss, they aren't exactly wrong. How a wonderful fantasy it was when I used to think that someday I'll ride these clouds and talk to the birds. But see now, clouds are nothing but _'A visible mass of condensed watery vapor floating in the atmosphere'_. It's the same as telling the kids that Santa Claus is none other than their parents." Johnny stated, and his voice was mimicking the tone that a teacher picks up when teaching kindergarteners. Though Taeyong found it true and fascinating, he couldn't find it in himself to react to it. Johnny seemed to pick up the hint, and they lay sprawled out on the green grass, not speaking for God knows how many minutes, before Taeyong turned to face Johnny.

"I have to tell them." Johnny didn't have to ask whom. And he knew they had to. But he didn't want to rush it, because it isn't some schedule that the kids had to attend, it's about their leader, that their leader is...

And Johnny didn't want Taeyong to force himself into doing that. So he nodded, but didn't reply. Taeyong seemed to waiting for any kind of response from Johnny, so Johnny met Taeyong's eyes. His eyes held so many emotions, that for a moment, Johnny himself lost himself in them.

" _We_ have to tell them, Yong. You are not in this all alone." Johnny reassured, and soon Hyesung joined them.

"How about we wait till we get the reports? It'll take three days at max, and we'll see if Dr. Yoon can find some way to treat it. There's Chemotherapy, Radiotherapy, and if situation demands, even surgery. If we tell them then, I think that'll be better." Hyesung suggested. But Taeyong's voice interrupted him, their hopes crashing down at the vocalization of his thoughts.

"What if it's too late?"

Hyesung pulled the boy into his arms, Johnny rubbing his arm comfortingly, and Hyesung shook his head determinedly. "It'll not be, Taeyong. We still have a lot of time."

Time. He doubted if he had it as much as he boasted. He wan't a trained medical persona, but even with the basic knowledge, he knew that Radiotherapy and Chemotherapy had their own side-effects. And for the surgery, it wasn't a lung, or a kidney- if one is damaged, remove it, because the other can manage. It was brain. One wrong step, and Taeyong couldn't walk, he couldn't speak, he couldn't recognize them. Or worst, he can never open his eyes again. So either way, it was debatable to say they have time, because they weren't so sure of it.

It's been barely three hours, and Hyesung felt as if he was already _not so sure_ of so many things. This isn't going to end up good. Hyesung helped Taeyong get back to his feet, and as Taeyong shook off the grass that stuck to his butt, he shared look over his head with Johnny. Johnny was equally shocked by the news, but the priority was Taeyong here. _Everything else had time, Taeyong didn't._

* * *

The journey to the dorms was relatively quiet, with Taeyong's stress catching up on him, as his head lolled on Johnny's shoulder. When they reached the dorms, Johnny wanted to follow Taeyong into his room, but Taeyong was stubborn about his 'thinking time', so Johnny went into his room, for once happy to get distracted by Haechan's shouting. Taeyong's room was dark as he entered, and before he could flick the lights on, a figure moved on his bed. Taeyong's heart skipped a beat, as his mind raced thoughts like _Anti-fan? Sasaeng? Stalker?_ But his thoughts were interrupted by the small voice that echoed in the room.

"Hyung?" Taeyong's eyes tried to trace the movement of the figure in the dark, and was barely able to bite back a flinch as a hand was placed on his shoulder.

"It's me, Doyoung. Where were you? It's quite late." Doyoung asked. Taeyong relaxed into the touch as he extended another hand to hold Doyoung's. He doubted whether he would see it or not, but it was crossed out the moment Doyoung caught his cold palm in his own warm ones. _When did his palms turn so cold? Well, when his blood was turning cold from the news, his hands were not the problem here._

Taeyong had felt the cold spot where Doyoung's hand had been on his shoulder, when it left to flicker the lights on. Taeyong's eyes took the time to adjust the view, and Doyoung returned to his position in front of Taeyong. A small gasp was heard, and Taeyong just bowed his head lower.

"Hyung, you were crying?" Doyoung asked, concern visible in his tone. Taeyong blamed the concern in Doyoung's voice, for his yet another breakdown. He cried as if the world crashed down on him, _and it wasn't exactly false_. Doyoung guided him to the bed, and whispered sweet nothings in his ears, none of which were 'You'll be okay'. And he didn't want to hear it, _because he knew he'll never be_. When he calmed down a little, he bit back on his sniffles, trying to control himself, even though he had a full-fledged breakdown just in the last minute.

Doyoung settled back on the bed next to him, holding Taeyong close to him by his waist. Taeyong could hear the small inhale of Doyoung's breath, as realization seemed to strike him.

"Is it about the hospital trip you were supposed to make today?" Taeyong nodded slowly, regaining the control over his emotions. _He's not going to have another breakdown, not here, not again_. Doyoung nodded, and helped Taeyong lie back on the bed. He expected the elder to protest, that he was still in his outside clothes, and he needs to change, but Taeyong just silently lied down, his eyes fluttering close even before the back of his neck touched the mattress. Taeyong was out like a light in a minute, and Doyoung wondered the things would have been too bad, if the elder was this much stressed.

He exited Taeyong's room, heading straight to Johnny's. He knocked twice on the door, and heard a small hum, giving him the permission to enter. He saw Haechan sprawled out on his bed, scrolling down his phone, while Johnny seemed lost in thoughts. His doubts were confirmed by Johnny's behavior. _There's seriously something wrong_.

"Umm- Johhny-Hyung?" Doyoung asked, but Johnny seemed still to lost in his world to listen to Doyoung, so he raised his voice a little more before calling again. That seemed to catch Johnny's attention, as he scrambled to sit up on his bed, his eyes set on Doyoung. Noticing that he managed to catch Haechan's attention as well, he decided it would be better to talk to Johnny somewhere else.

"I wanted to talk to you about something. Can you come into my room?" His room was shared with Hyesung, and he was sure Hyesung could wait outside for a while if Doyoung asks him to. Johnny stared at

Doyoung at a moment, before nodding and following Doyoung into his room. Hyesung was searching something on his computer, which he shut down the moment Doyoung entered the room, but Doyoung was too worried about Taeyong to ask him about it.

"Hyesung-Hyung, can I get a moment with Johnny-Hyung here?" Doyoung asked, and Hyesung eyes widened as he stared at Johhny. Johnny shrugged his shoulders, and Doyoung had a weird feeling that they _both_ knew something that he doesn't. When Hyesung got up from his position, Doyoung presses and arm to his chest, stopping him from going further.

"Actually, you should listen to me. Sit down, Hyung." Doyoung rarely exercised his superiority on someone, but never on the elders. So Doyoung's command was more or less followed anytime, since the tone was near-threatening. Hyesung was actually shocked, for he never imagined he would be hearing this tone from Doyoung, nonetheless directed at him. He took his seat on his own bed, and Doyoung pulled out a chair to sit while facing them.

"So anyone cares to tell me what's wrong with Taeyong-Hyung? I know you both went with him to the hospital, but it was 2 in the afternoon. It took you 5 hours to get some reports? And why is Taeyong-Hyung crying? Did something happen on the way?" Doyoung fired his questions. He was too afraid of hearing any answer, but still the curiosity was too high for him to leave the matter.

"Calm down, Doyoung. I know you're worried, but I don't think you would like to hear the answers to your questions. Give us some time." Hyesung said, his voice strained. Doyoung's mouth hanged open.

"You're hiding something?" He asked, accusation clear in his tone. Hyesung only managed to shake his head sideways.

"We're not hiding anything, Doyoung. We'll tell you- _we have to tell you_ \- but give us some time. When he says you wouldn't want to hear it, he's not lying, Doyoung." Johnny tried to argue, but Doyoung raised his hand to object.

"I want to. If it's Taeyong-Hyung, I'm ready for anything and everything." Doyoung pleaded, his voice close to breaking. He doesn't know why he feels like the Hell is going to break loose, but he couldn't leave his Taeyong-Hyung in the Hell. _All alone_.

"We went to the hospital to collect the reports, but Dr. Yoon wasn't there. So we decided to get some help from the nurses, and the reports say that," Hyesung took a deep breath, and Doyoung readied himself for the train that was about to hit him. "They say he has brain cancer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again a similar ending!! hehe...
> 
> Thanks for all the love...  
> Hope you all like this fic...


	3. Chapter-3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for some more revelations!

It took a lot of Doyoung's much stored energy to avoid from breaking down in front of Johnny, but as soon as the boy was out of the room, the waterfall began. Even Hyesung couldn't be of much help, as he sobbed quietly in his misery.

"What had Taeyong-Hyung done wrong..."He choked out, not quite able to hold the distress. Hyesung kept on rubbing his back, and Doyoung was once again reminded how it was _always_ Taeyong to do that.

_/Doyoung didn't know how to react to the comment other than to apologize profusedly._

_"Don't you think you're too much of a burden for NCT? And with your brother in the industry already, we are just looking for publicity. Don't you try to mess up things, when you are supposed o just stay silently at the corner." The staff had directed at him, when he accidentally pulled off the wrong note in the recording. Taeyong went to grab both of them a cup of coffee, being over with his recording quite smoothly. He knew he didn't need to have the elder by him all the time to protect him. He can be fine by himself. But he was probably wrong, now that he is hearing every harsh comment the staff seemed to hold back in Taeyong's presence._

_Doyoung was expecting to continue the recording once the staff settled down, but the lack of response from Doyoung seemed to anger the bulky man more. In few minutes, he was shouting his head off, and Doyoung was sure- and a part of him prayed- that someone could hear him from outside. The bulky man seemed to be so out of his mind, that he almost attempted to enter the sound-proof recording room, with his hand raised over his head. Doyoung cowered as he was sure to get striked down with the hand, but the hand never descended. Instead at the doorway, stood Taeyong, whose angry eyes were spitting fire, his hand holding the wrist of the angry bulky man. The two coffee cups were dropped on the floor, its contents spilled out, and Doyoung tried to focus on the spilled coffee rather than the commotion in front of him._

_He could have actually analyzed complete contents the SM Convenience Store's coffee, if it wasn't for the hand that settled on his lower back. His first instinct was to flinch away, but as soon as his eyes met Taeyong's soft ones, he relaxed into the touch. The elder guided him away from the mess and the recording room, and into the dance practice room across the floor. Doyoung wondered what Taeyong did to the staff member. As soon as they settled down in the practice room, Taeyong started apologizing, but Doyoung was unsure what the rapper was sorry for. Still he allowed Taeyong to maneuver him into his lap, and shush him. That's when he realized the tracks of tears that spilled down his eyes. He's been crying?!_

_But Taeyong, the ever understanding leader and hyung, went on calming him down, his hand drawing various shapes into his back, even as he calmed down. Never once did he force Doyoung into speaking about the incident, and Doyoung didn't have to request the elder not to inform anyone at the dorms. But the next day onwards, he never saw the staff member again, and Doyoung wondered what Taeyong had done to get him out of SM all together./_

* * *

The next morning, Doyoung found his feet leading themselves into the leader's room, and he couldn't help staring at the peaceful sleeping form of the elder. To his surprise, Johnny bumped into him as he as entering into the room, and for a second, they stared at each other, before giggling together. The soft noise, however, woke Taeyong and he stared at the two strangely. Johnny moved to Taeyong first, the remnants of the smile still on his face.

"Morning, Yongie. How are you feeling?" He asked gently, but Taeyong's eyes snapped to Doyoung, his eyes as wide as saucers. Johnny caught his hand in his own huge ones, attracting his attention back to him.

"Doyoung knows too. But don't worry, no one else does." Johnny reassured, but Taeyong eyes still held the fear, and a bit of anticipation at Doyoung's reaction. Doyoung knows he cried enough yesterday night, and now, he has to be with his Hyung. Doyoung walked up to his bed, and sat down opposite to Johnny.

"We'll go through it together. Right, Hyung?" Doyoung asked, his eyes full of conviction. Taeyong seemed to snap himself out of the reverie and nodded, each nod more confident than the previous one.

"Together." He repeated, one hand in Johnny's and the other in Doyoung's. Johnny seemed happy with the courage he seemed to gain.

"How about we have breakfast, and then settle down to talk more about all this fiasco?" Doyoung suggested, quite sure that Taeyong must be hungry, for he missed the dinner the previous night.

"What fiasco, Hyung?" Haechan's head peaked into the room, and as soon as noted the vulnerable state of his leader, he rushed inside to settle beside the bed. "What happened?" He asked, his tone more serious to match with the atmosphere in the room. This side of Haechan was still rare from them, for he was the youngest in their dorms, and his elder brother side was only visible when he is with the Dreamies. For the second time that day, Taeyong seemed to shake with fear, although more prominent this time. He didn't expect things to get out _this_ soon. Sure, they could make some pitiful excuse of an excuse, but Haechan will not buy it, and then he'll go around asking everyone in the dorm, and there goes Taeyong's will power. Whoosh. Out of the window.

"Doyoung, how about you go with Haechan and um- explain things?" Johnny asked softly, though the authority was clear in his voice. Usually it's Taeyong who's ordering things, and nobody has the courage to go against them. But Johnny taking up the reigns of the leading meant that you _have_ to stay away from getting on Johnny's bad side. He might be a jolly and outgoing personality, but he is every bit of the assertive hyung he tends to become when situation demands. But Haechan's concern for Taeyong seemed to ignore that _one command_ that he needs to follow.

"No! Something is wrong, I'm not going out of this room before I get to know what it is." Haechan argued, his posture changing into a challenging one, and his feet stuck to the ground. Doyoung and Taeyong seemed shocked by the sudden rebel of the maknae, but Johnny was part expecting it. After all, it wasn't just him who cared for Taeyong.

"Donghyuck-" Doyoung tried to warn him, but the said boy was too pissed off to care.

"I said I'm not going!" He stomped his foot on the floor, his voice turning dangerously loud and high pitched. That seemed to cut the threads of Johnny's patience as he stood of from his position, facing Haechan with menacing eyes. Johnny's voice was a low grumble, and Taeyong would classify it as sign board that warned ' _Dangerous_ '.

"And I said you are. I don't see a reason for this argument. Doyoung is seeing you out, and that's _final_." Johnny declared, and even Taeyong would be afraid to go against the order. But apparently, Haechan _wasn't_.

Haechan didn't move an inch from where he stood, his eyes fixed on Taeyong, as if asking for an explanation. But Taeyong didn't know if he was ready for the confrontation, so he stared back into Donghyuck's eyes, his own eyes dangerously empty. Even when Doyoung tugged at the bottom of his shirt, Haechan just shrugged off and stood his ground. For a moment, Taeyong appreciated Haechan's concern, but it was just one moment, for the next moment, Johnny seemed to grab him by his shoulder, pushing him out effectively. And all the while, Haechan whined and thrashed around, requesting and _begging_ to let him into the room. Taeyong felt his heart clench at the voice.

Even as the door closed, Haechan's sobbing was clearly audible through it, along with Mark and Yuta's soothing whispers, which didn't seem to work on him. Taeyong was sure the whole of the NCT 127 had collected in front of his door, damn the breakfast rule. Today was supposed to be the day when they all had breakfast in the lower dorms, and Taeyong couldn't curse the damned fate enough.

Johnny's anger was still rolling off him in waves, and intimidated both the other occupants of the room. But when he crashed down on Taeyong's bed, they seemed to realize that even Johnny didn't want this. He didn't want to scold the younger to the point of tears, when the only thing he did was worry about his hyung. After the extended and uncomfortable silence in the room, which was well interrupted by the sobs and sniffles of the maknae outside, Taeyong stood up from the bed. Johnny and Doyoung's eyes snapped towards him, their gaze questioning.  
"I'll tell them." Taeyong declared. Johnny and Doyoung shot up from their positions, eyes wide and aimed at him.

"Are you- are you sure?" Doyoung asked, voice trembling. Taeyong just nodded, unable to get anything past the lump in his throat. Johnny seemed skeptical, but didn't question, and Taeyong was thankful for it.

Johnny took the first step as he clicked the door lock open, his eyes still fixed on Taeyong. Taeyong took a deep breath, before nodding again and heading towards the door, Doyoung on his trails.  
The sight outside, was not very pretty, to say the least. Haechan was still crying in front of the door, though his sobs had died down, to only occasional sniffles. Yuta and Mark looked every bit distraught they were, unable to understand the reason why Haechan was crying on the floor, and why steam seemed to be blowing off Johnny. But they could wait, everything could wait. But _time_ may not.

"In the living room. Now." Taeyong declared, every bit of his leader persona back to him. He looked just the way he did as he leaded the meetings, and discussed work stuff with them- their schedules and appearances. But unfortunately, today _that_ wasn't the topic of their meeting. Yuta still looked confused, and Taeyong knew he had all rights to.

"Meeting in 5. Call them even if they are having breakfast." Taeyong commanded, and Yuta left to head towards the kitchen, not before passing on a concerned look to Taeyong. Mark was still consoling a crying Donghyuck, whose eyes were fixed on Taeyong, from he moment the doors opened. Taeyong bent down to the boy's level, cupping his cheeks and wiped the tears away. But the tear tracks only reappeared even before a second, and Taeyong blamed himself for it.

"Hey, kiddo. How about we shift to the living room sofa? If you want we can cuddle." Taeyong proposed, and for a moment he expected Haechan to deny and just ask for an explanation. _An explanation that he isn't sure he can give._ But the younger boy clung to him as soon as the words left Taeyong's mouth, and Taeyong was more than happy to carry him into the living room.

Soon the members filled into the room, settling onto the floors and huddling up so that they were closer to the leader. Taeyong cleared his tone, and spoke under the scrutinizing gazes of his members.

"It's about something I wanted to talk about. Um- I had severe headache for the month or so, so I decided to get myself an appointment. The result was expected to come out yesterday, so I went to collect them, but-" Taeyong needed a breather. He can't be expected to be able to be so open-minded about it. But he wants to let his members know, because keeping it from them is only going to hurt more and more. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and Johnny's smile looked so reassuring, that it made Taeyong make up his mind of continuing. _He's not going to fall, even if it drags him down._

"It-It's brain cancer, they say." It feels definitely _different_ , getting it out of his system. It doesn't feel like he is in a panic room, but in a fresh, aired out room. Open and wide. Donghyuck's hands clutched his hoodie tighter, but other than that he didn't get any dramatic reaction from them. He waited for them- he didn't raise his head- to digest the information, but none of them seemed as panicked and surprised as he _felt_.

"What did the doctor say?" Taeil asked, his voice composed, but Taeyong knew his members- his family- better than that. _Taeil was trying his best to hold it in._

"Dr. Yoon wasn't there yesterday. So we still have to wait till he tells us what level it is at, and what measures we'll have to take." Johnny replied in his stead, and Taeyong nodded. Other than some heavy breathing sounds, the room was still. _Dead silent_. Taeyong hated it. It's not that he already died. He still had some months time, at least. _Right?_

"How about we spend some time together today?" Taeyong suggested, his voice coated with faux-excitement. And if anybody detected it, they didn't question. Jungwoo seemed to catch on with Taeyong's idea.

"How about the amusement park?" He replied, with equal excitement. But unlike Taeyong, there was still some authenticity in his emotion. Simultaneously, he door to Doyoung's bedroom opened, and Hyesung exited from the room. 

"If you want to, I can clear the schedules for a day or two, and I'll ask the management if there would be possibility of closing off some amusement park for customers for an hour." He declared, indicating that he was tuned in the conversation from the start. He looked at the members for a while, waiting for their reply, and Donghyuck's small voice gave him the same.

"Can we invite the Dreamies as well?" He asked instead, and Taeyong had to think for a while. He doesn't know how the teenagers will perceive the news, and he didn't know how he will break the news to them, _again_. Haechan seemed to notice the slight shift in Taeyong's features from his position, so he grabbed his hoodie tighter, making Taeyong look at him.

"We don't have to tell them. We'll just say we are having time off, and we wanted to share it with them." Haechan proposed. Honestly, the idea didn't seem bad. And Taeyong would definitely like to hang out with someone who doesn't constantly look at him as if he's invalid. He nodded his permission, and Doyoung shifted to call up the Dreamies manager.

Even if it's an hour, he would like to forget that there is a danger looming over his head, and would like to enjoy everything he didn't- _couldn't_ \- do as a _idol_. He wanted to enjoy this time with his family, before the bomb drops, because he doesn't know if he's going to see tomorrow or not. ' _It's not as if I'm really dying tomorrow. Then why do I feel and think like this?'_ Taeyong cursed himself, mentally. He just hoped to be happy, and make everyone happy around him, even if he really has to leave.

 _'No I'm not. I'll not leave these kids to some shitty management. Not without me standing as their armor. If I really have to, I'll take the complete SM down with me._ ' He smirked himself at the thought, though Johnny seemed to get a hint of what he was thinking. He leaned in, looming over his ear, and whispered, "If it's about the management, how about we just fuck them and enjoy our lives for once?" Johnny was obviously talking about the permission for their amusement park hangout, but Taeyong wasn't going to deny that he equally wanted to do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave Kudos and comments, if you like this fic. 💜


	4. Chapter-4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just want to have some fun for today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot less angst here, more of fluff and bonding time I say.
> 
> hehe.. I'm tired of torturing the kids...

"How about the roller-coaster, Hyung?" Jisung asked, his eyes wide and excited. Doyoung sighed as Jungwoo's pleas joined in. Taeyong let out a hearty laugh at them, and Doyoung glared back at the elder.

  
"How about you follow them to ride?" He dared. Taeyong shrugged; well, he wasn't that affected by the rides, and _definitely_ not like Doyoung, who took a complete 10 minutes to end his puking session from the 360 Twister. Jisung grabbed his arms, handing off his fruit juice to Jaemin before running off to the waiting line. Johnny seemed to enjoy the scenery of the park with Chenle, who seemed content with having his own share of the large slushie. Jaemin and Jeno went off to some less extreme rides, and Renjun seemed as if he was still confused whether to complete his drink or get into the increasing line for his favorite ride. Doyoung and Jaehyun walked back to an empty bench- well, the park was not that crowded, though the rides still had a litter longer waiting lines; all thanks to the management.

"Do you think Hyesung-Hyung did a good job lying to the higher ups?" Jaehyun asked, as he settled down the wide bench, his eyes still fixed on the ride. Doyoung kept an eye on the Dreamies, the other were probably safe with Taeil watching over them. However, he shook his head, an answer to Jaehyun's question.

"They are going to get pretty mad, when they know that Taeyong-Hyung is- um- not well," Doyoung still had trouble pronouncing the _cursed words_ out loud, "and more, if they realized if Hyesung-Hyung was lying about all this _shooting_ thing in the park."

"But it can be our way of revenge against them, could it be?" Jaehyun smirked. Doyoung let out a loud laugh at it, impressed that the younger was not so _angelic_ he put up his image as.

"Or we can actually get some _shooting work_ done here." A voice suggested from behind them, and the heads swapped almost comically to find the speaker. Behind them, stood Johnny, who held a camcorder in his hand, looking excited.

"We can make the video of someone having fun with the rides," He said, pointing to the line in front of the roller coaster, Taeyong, Jisung and Jungwoo getting their tickets and finding their positions, "or someone having fun with the headbands." he looked at the shop where Taeil stood, looking defeated, next to an excited Haechan, who trying each and every headband his hand grazed over. "And, if nothing works, we can call Jaemin and Jeno to join us for some content." Doyoung faced Jaehyun, who looked equally impressed, and Johnny slipped his hand into the holder band, opening the camcorder and switched it on.

"-So we welcome our Czennies to another scene of chaos, that is our members. Today we at an amusement park, and we have a special appearance, and that is: NCT Dream.  
-This is not JCC, Johnny-Hyung. You shouldn't do it that way.  
-Oh, is it then your 'Vroom Vroom'? You want it to do it that boring way?  
-Oh, I will. And for your information, Vroom Vroom was interesting.  
-Who are you kidding, Doyoung-ah? Do I need to conduct an interview to prove you that?  
\- Fine. It's neither JCC nor Vroom Vroom. I'm taking the role of the MC. Hand over the camera."

  
The video shook, as it filmed the ground for a while and the blue sky for the next. Jaehyun's face refocused on the screen, and Jaehyun readjusted his hair, before starting as if nothing happened.  
"Yeah, so Taeyong-Hyung, Jisung and Jungwoo are on the roller coaster," Jaehyun turned the camera around to focus on the roller coaster, which went up and down in its own glory. There were shouts from the roller coaster, and some hands waved into the air, while some grabbed tightly onto the safety bar, as if their life depended in it.

"Jungwoo doesn't look so good, he seems to be out of his wits," Jaehyun giggled, "and Jisung looks like he's enjoying. That's pretty nice, I should say, and Taeyong-Hyung-" Doyoung paused, his eyes scrutinizing the leader, "well, I remember he said that he's okay with these rides, but I may remember wrong. He doesn't look so- happy." Doyoung concluded, half-worried and half-amused.

"I still wonder how people ride these things." Doyoung wondered. Jaehyun turned the camera towards the elder, just in time to catch Johnny's retort.

"Not everyone has guts like yours, Doyoung-ah."

"It's not just me, okay?" Doyoung turned to the camera, "There might be many of our Czennies who hate these rides, right? And you're _insulting_ all of them now."

Johnny turned the camera to himself, a smirk on his face. "I'm not insulting the fear of rides, Doie. I'm just insulting you." He replied, his eyebrows raised as if he had attacked and was waiting for Doyoung to present his defense. But before Doyoung could snap at him, Jaehyun flipped the camera to himself.

"How about we let our lovely hyungs to fight among themselves, as we have a walk?" He suggested, leaving behind the two to bicker. He moved closer to the fencing near the roller coaster ride, giving a last and- most probably- the best view of their members who rode it, before heading off to the accessory shop.

"Taeil-Hyung, I think that bunny one suits you. Haechan-ah, grab that one please." Haechan nodded enthusiastically, grabbing the one Jaehyun was pointing to, and positioning it on Taeil's head. Boisterously loud laughing noises surrounded the shop, as Taeil looked at himself in the mirror.

"I look ridiculous! And what's with the camcorder? Put it down. You're not going to get my picture like this. Put it down, I said." Taeil grabbed Jaehyun's hand, as he pushed the camera downward. The video shook as Jaehyun fought to focus it on Taeil's face, and was laughing simultaneously.

Finally, as Taeil put the headband down back on the rack, they proceeded further to the Lemon Slush stall, where Jaemin and Jeno stood, waiting for their chance. Renjun finally got into the ride he wanted, although not before finishing his slushie.

"Jaemin-ah. Can you look at the camera, please?" Jaemin turned around, and his face adorned the lovely smile the fans love. His eyes turned into crescents, shaded by the bangs that fell onto his forehead. His AirPods were in his ears, though it was just an accessory for them at this point.

"Did you ride anything?" Jaehyun asked, and Jaemin's face lit up more, as Jeno's scrunched up.

"The Gyro-Drop. Though Jeno is unwilling to get on any of the rides since then." Jaemin laughed, and Jaehyun turned the camera to focus on Jeno's pouty face.

"I really thought I would drop from there, you know. And when I finally thought it was going to end, it shot up again! That's cheating, right?" Jeno accused, his face pleading his hyungs behind the camera. Taeil laughed out loud, while Haechan replied to Jeno.

"But that means you are getting every penny you have paid for!" He argued, and Jeno became just a little more sulky.

"But what is the camera for?" Jaemin asked, pointing to the camcorder in Jaehyun's hand, his finger almost poking the lens.

"You shouldn't point fingers to our Czennies. That's not good manners." Jaehyun scolded, as he grabbed Jaemin's palm and put in it back down. Jaemin's eyes went wide with surprise.

"This is for recording purpose?" He asked, amused. Jaehyun shook his head.

"We are just having fun. It may or may not be used. How about you leave some messages, in case we get to keep this to ourselves?" Taeil suggested. Jeno nodded enthusiastically, his mood taking a 360 degree turn, as he stood in front of the camera, shooting his best eye smile.

"I'll leave a message to Taeyong-Hyung. Hyung, thank you so much for clearing our schedule for today. You seem like you know whenever we need a break. It was just yesterday when I was complaining to Renjun that I'm bored of waking up to go to dance practice, and then just return home to be completely out of my energy. And it's definitely been long that we had some fun in some parks like this. Thank you!" Jeno thanked. Jaemin pushed Jeno out of the frame, before taking his position and clearing his throat.

"Well, I would also like to thank Taeyong-Hyung. I just never got to tell him, when he helped me a week back. I was at the dorm since I wasn't feeling well and was exempted from practice, and he came to the dorms to spend time with me. Well I wasn't so lonely before, but I definitely enjoyed his company. Thank you, Hyung. I love you." Jaemin concluded, shooting finger hearts at the camera, and the members _'Ohhhh-ed'_ behind him.

"Haechan-ah, you seem like you want to say something?" Jaehyun prompted, and Haechan shuffled on his foot a little before returning his gaze to the camera.

"Since Jeno and Jaemin talked about Taeyong-Hyung, I want to talk about him as well. It's not something to um- thank about. But I just want to tell Taeyong-Hyung, that we love you Hyung. Whatever you are, wherever you are, and whatever you do, I love you, and we love you. Hyung will always be our leader, and no matter what, we'll protect you the same way you protect us. Just stay with us, forever, Hyung." Haechan concluded, his eyes tearing up. Taeil's smile had long dropped from his face, and Jaehyun struggled to keep himself from the dropping the camera and hugging the younger. But, Jaemin hugged Haechan first, as his tears started to fall down. The silence covered them for sometime, with occasional hicks in Haechan's breathing.

"The air is quite down here. How about we all go for another round of the Gyro-Drop." Jaemin suggested, trying his best to lift up the mood. Jaehyun was thankful for the effort, as he picked up the cue to continue from there.

"Or better,we can ride the roller coaster, now that the previous round is over!" The effect was almost immediate, as Jeno shook his head, and tried to argue about how roller coaster's are _dangerous_ , and how the gravity will do its work to bring them down, if they don't hold onto the safety bars tight enough. Even Haechan had laughed at Jeno's pleads, and in the end, they did end up deciding to get on the roller coaster.

"Now, our members, namely me, Jaemin, Jeno, Haechan, Renjun, and Taeil-Hyung" he introduced every member by turning the camera to them, "will be riding the roller coaster. Yuta-Hyung and Mark are too busy playing those kids games, though. How about we ask Doyoung-Hyung to join in? It will be fun-" Jaehyun's narration to the camera was cut when Renjun called out.

"Isn't that Johnny-Hyung and Doyoung-Hyung?" He asked, pointing to the two people who were crouched near the small drinking water fountain, near to the roller coaster ride exit. But it wasn't Doyoung or Johnny who made Jaehyun break into a sprint, handing over his camera to anyone who stood next to him. It was Taeyong. He was bent over the water fountain, back heaving with the effort of his retching. The only thing that Jaehyun could do while he waited for his hyung to fine enough to even speak, was rubbing his back, and he did so.

As he stood near a breathless Taeyong, who was finally done with getting everything out of his system, he noticed that Jisung and Jungwoo were also there, and initially it was covered by the three bulky bodies that covered the view from others. The kids were looking frightened, and Jungwoo looked a second away from crying or fainting, or both. Though Taeyong needed him- _who is he fooling?_ _He_ needs to be beside Taeyong to reassure himself that he's going to be fine- his priority should be the youngers, as a hyung. He shared to look with Doyoung over Taeyong's head, and by the looks of it, Doyoung seemed to share the same thoughts as him.

"Jisung, Jungwoo, want to come with me? Lets take you both to sit somewhere, you must be shaken, right?" _Not only by the roller coaster, but also by the scene in front of them_. Jisung seemed to nod, not _that_ shook, but Jungwoo's eyes still lingered on Taeyong. T _his kid is much more perceptive than he lets on._ Jaehyun noted mentally.

Just yesterday, Jungwoo was all but jumping around the dorms when Hyesung came to say that they are allowed to the amusement park. Not to say the least affected and least worried about Taeyong's condition- not in a bad sense, though, just not doting upon and following the leader everywhere like the others- the boy seemed genuinely happy to spend some free time with his hyungs. But the way Jungwoo looked at Taeyong, like he's going to disappear the moment he tears his eyes off him, Jaehyun was worried about Jungwoo being anxious all alone. _It's the worst feeling. Imagining things that could never happen actually, but which seem much plausible in the imaginations. Feeling like world is crashing down on me like a falling dome, but there's no shelter to protect me._ But Jaehyun couldn't let the dome fall on Jungwoo, when he is right next to him. His hyung will protect him.

He leaned into Jungwoo's ear, taking advantage of their similar heights, and whispered, "Taeyong-Hyung will be fine. Doyoung-Hyung and Johnny-Hyung are there with him. Its nothing different from Doyoung-Hyung's sickness from the rides, so no need to worry about that." _Well that's what made him leave Taeyong, at the first place. It should work on Jungwoo._

"But Taeyong-Hyung said he was fine with all the rides, and he even rode roller coasters before. _Without being sick_. And the way he's looking, it doesn't look like _just that_." Jungwoo argued, though he kept his voice low, in case he alerts Jisung. "What if it's something related to- um- _that_ , and what if I triggered it, or made it worse by making him ride-" Jaehyun placed his hand on Jungwoo shoulder, squeezing it slightly, so that it is relaxing, and the same time grounding.

"Don't blame yourself. It's not going to help." It wasn't a warning, just a reassurance.

"Taeyong-Hyung is fine. He's going to be fine. We'll make sure of it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost forgot to update today!
> 
> Phew...(⊙_⊙;)


	5. Chapter-5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For once, can the universe take my side?
> 
> NO!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter than I expected it to be.
> 
> ＞﹏＜

The ride back home was somber, with Taeyong dozing off on Doyoung's shoulder, Haechan stuck to his other side. The Dreamies were dropped off at their dorm, and the rest were led back into their own building. The upper floor residents seemed to be reluctant to let Taeyong out of their sight, so they settled for a blanket fort in the living room of the lower dorms, someone's head resting on someone's thigh, and some of them with their feet hoisted onto the sofa.

  
Jaehyun was still recovering from the shock from the previous events, and he settled upon distracting himself on the phone. As he was scrolling on the SNS, checking for things that ranged from their fan posts to other groups' posts, that's when his phone vibrated in his hand.

**From: Jisung, 11:05 p.m**

Is Taeyong-Hyung alright?

**To: Jisung, 11:05 p.m**

Hmm. Asleep as of now.

**From: Jisung, 11:07 p.m**

I...  
I wanted to ask if everything is alright...

**To: Jisung, 11:08 p.m**

Yes. Taeyong is fine, and is sleeping peacefully,  
crowded in the living room of lower dorms.

**From: Jisung, 11:10 p.m**

Not about that....

**To: Jisung, 11:11 p.m**

Jisung  
You know you can ask hyung about anything  
If something is bothering you, tell me

**From: Jisung, 11:14 p.m**

So...  
I might have heard the conversation between you and Jungwoo Hyung....  
Not that I wanted to!!!  
It just...  
It just happened...  
Sorry

**To: Jisung, 11:22 p.m**

How much?  
How much did you hear?

**From: Jisung, 11:23 p.m**

About the part where Jungwoo Hyung was blaming himself...  
Though I'm not sure why he was doing so....

Jaehyun left the last message at seen, thinking for a while, staring at the wall in front of him. He stared at his sleeping members for a while, and finally made his mind. He gently slipped Taeyong's head from his lap, putting a pillow in replacement, before tip toeing across the room, and out of the door. He didn't head onto the roof. Instead, he slipped into the upper dorms. The familiar mixture of the members' scents hit him, calming him enough to grab his phone in his pocket, and his hand hovered a second over the 'Call' button. But he shook his head, standing firm on his decision, and pressed it. The phone ringed exactly two times, before the call was received.

"Hyung?" Jisung's low voice answered, and Jaehyun let out a breath he didn't know he was holing.

"Yeah. It's me." Jaehyun answered, and the phone went silent for a moment. Jaehyun did decide that he wanted to let Jisung know about Taeyong, but he wasn't sure if he could approach it like he wanted to. Certainly, he can't say it like, _'Sorry Jisung, but your hyung has brain cancer, and we never told you.'_

"I- I'm sorry." The other side said instead, and Jaehyun was surprised. _Why was he apologizing? Shouldn't we be sorry that we didn't tell them? But then again, they don't know how serious things are._

"No need to be, Jisung-ah. Well, I think I'm in the position to apologize, rather." Jaehyun answered.

"W-Why? It was me who eavesdropped. And I'm sorry for that. I was just concerned if Taeyong-Hyung is fine, because even Doyoung-Hyung and Johnny-Hyung were hovering over him for the whole time we were in the park. He is okay, right?" The tremble in Jisung's voice made it all the more difficult for Jaehyun to reveal it to the younger. And for a moment, he was reconsidering his decision.

_No. Jisung is as much of a brother to Taeyong, as he is. And he has every right to know. But Taeyong wouldn't want them to worry. But Taeyong wants no one to worry, and to be honest, the definition of worry is somewhat wrong in his dictionary. Still, doesn't Taeyong deserve to explain to his little brothers? But he won't be able to, would he?_

Jaehyun sighed into the receiver, and he could hear hear his heart beating wildly over the bustle of the city, both from the place where he stood near the window, as well as from Jisung's side, assuming the younger was doing the same. He _has_ to it. He _will_ do it.

"So, um- Taeyong went to hospital for checkup some days back, and the results- um- the results aren't exactly back, but they say- um- it- it's not _good_." Jaehyun knew he was being _too vague_ with his words. But he was quite sure he relayed the _emotion_ , with how serious and deep his voice sounded. And he was sure, how Jisung's breathing picked up, and his voice cracked.

"Will he-" Jisung cut himself, unwilling yet curious to ask the question. Jaehyun, honestly, didn't know. But he couldn't let the boy run the same thoughts that ran through his mind for the past two days. He can't let him feel suffocated in himself, unable to reach out for help, because _someone else needs it more than you do._

"He'll be fine. Day after tomorrow, we have an appointment with the doctor, and we'll discuss about treatment. And we'll be ready for anything and everything, even if meant we'll have to go till surgery." Jaehyun declared, his eyes and voice having much more certitude than he thought he had in himself. But, it is nothing, for there was at least one percent of tension that was released with how Jisung let out a small sigh of relief. Both of them basked in the moment of silence and comfort, before they readied themselves for the storm that awaited them.

"Can I- can I tell the other Hyungs? In our dorms?" Jisung asked, after a moment. He doesn't want to, but he knows that they'll know about it at some point or the other. Jaehyun's barely audible hum was the answer he needed.

"Can I? Or do you want to, Hyung?" Jisung asked, and the sheer refusal in his voice must have alerted Jaehyun, as he didn't reply promptly. Silence found itself once again, but it wasn't as long as the previous ones.

"How about you tell the others to come to the 127 dorms tomorrow morning? We can talk it out there. But if you feel burdened, and want to share it with someone, go ahead. I need you to be fine, Jisung-ah. Remember, never hesitate to reach out for help, just because you feel that someone needs it more. There are things in your life that you need to be selfish for."

Jisung nodded, but when he realized his hyung couldn't see him, he let out a watery 'Yes'. Jaehyun wished him a good night, reminding him again, that his hyung will be always there if he needs _a shoulder to cry, an ear to listen, or just a presence to soothe_. He'll always be there, and Jisung felt more reassured than he could express.

  
The call ended, and Jisung returned to the shared room, relieved that Jaemin was still asleep. He crawled into his bed, and waited for sleep to call for him as he stared at the top of his bunk. It did come soon, which was obvious, looking at the physical exertion of the day, combined with the mental exertion in the past hour. But in his exhaustion, he didn't notice the shuffling of the other bed in his room, its occupant wide-awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I tried some texting part, though I'm terribly bad at that...
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	6. Chapter-6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do I deserve it?
> 
> I don't know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next chapter. Enjoy reading...

The morning came much faster than Jisung liked. He felt as if he barely closed his eyes, before Renjun was gently tapping on his shoulder, waking him up. He nodded, and Renjun went into the kitchen. He tossed and turned in his bed, until all the sleepiness left him, leaving him with just heavy eyes, and a heavier heart. It's breakfast, the best time to drop his bomb.

  
He walked into the kitchen, settling into his chair, and through the corner of his eyes, he noticed the other members- Jeno was scrolling through the phone, with Chenle occasionally peeking into it. Renjun was setting the table, carrying the hot pots with hands shoved inside the mitten. Jaemin seemed to be staring off into the void- a very non-Jaemin like thing, but Jisung didn't want to take chances with his opportunities. He loved his Jaemin-Hyung, and he wanted to ask what was actually wrong, but _probably_ , the matter in hand was more important.

"I wanted to go to the 127 dorms today, Hyung." Jisung initiated, and the heads snapped towards him.

"It was just yesterday when we had fun with Hyungs. Why do you want to go again?" Jeno asked, curiosity coating his tone.

"Just um- Just that Taeyong-Hyung was not feeling good yesterday, and we left him like that. So I just wanted to drop by and check." Jisung reasoned. He mentally patted himself, being able to make actual excuses with how nervous he was.

"You can call them. We can make a video call if you want." Renjun stated, and Jisung facepalmed mentally. _Obviously it was an option. Now he has to find some another excuse to drag them with him._

"But you know them, Hyung. They won't tell you the truth, saying that they want to protect us from all the bad things. And I'm sure that even if Taeyong-Hyung isn't feeling well, they won't tell us, just to save us from the worry." Chenle argued. _That_ hit Jisung closer than he expected.

_They did. They are doing. They are again protecting us from the harsh realities of their lives, so that we don't worry. Making us live in a bubble, so that everything outside looked shiny. But the reality don't shine. Only fantasies do. Realities are coated in black tar, darker and dirtier than you can accept, and it just sticks to you the more you try to shake it away._

And Chenle's words just made Jisung all the more eager to break this bubble.

"How about we all visit Hyungs for a while? We don't have a schedule until evening today, so we can spend the time with them, right?" Jisung was thankful to Jaemin, because he still had to find the excuse to drag them all into the 127 dorms, and Jaemin presented one. Renjun still seemed to mull over it, but finally he nodded.

"Nothing's wrong with the idea. I'll ask manager-hyung to drop us there. Finish with your breakfasts and gather in the living room within an hour." Renjun ordered. Since Renjun was the next thing similar to a leader- other than Mark- to them, the kids followed quietly. And Jisung was just contented that he can finally go to the elders without raising a suspicion. He feasted upon his breakfast, quickly stuffing in everything he can, before he runs into the bath. But what he didn't know was, a pair of eyes, staring into his form, questioningly.

* * *

  
It isn't easy to get up, when a splitting headache is opposing the idea. Taeyong's decision was, thus, to lie back down, cuddling into one of the various sources of warmth that surrounded him. In return, he got a hand draped over him, covering his complete waist in its arms. The said person was Johnny, whose eyes creaked open slightly to check at the warmth snuggled in his chest. Taeyong looked more unconscious than asleep, and Johnny was worried if the younger actually lost this much weight, just because of his dieting habits. His arm completed a full circle around Taeyong's slim waist, and though it was impressive, it was more worrisome.

"Hyung, can I get a moment with you if you're awake?" A voice asked, and when Johnny looked up, he saw Jaehyun standing there. His forehead was creased, eyes shutting close by the weight of the bags under his eyes. Johnny nodded, rolling off Taeyong without waking him up, and followed Jaehyun as he led both of them into the kitchen, where Doyoung was preparing breakfast for them.

"Doyoung-Hyung?" Doyoung turned away from the stove, shocked to see them in the kitchen, expecting them to be asleep.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, putting down the ladle in the soup, happy with its taste, and turned the stove off. He settled on the dining table, waving his hand to the two people in the hallway to do the same. Something in him is telling that this conversation is going to be long.

"Dreamies are coming to the dorm today." Jaehyun blurted out, now unable to hold down the unsettling feeling in his stomach.

"Why?"

"I- I actually told Jisung about, um- about Taeyong-Hyung. But it was because he said that he already knew something was wrong . He overheard me and Jungwoo talking in the amusement park yesterday."  
The room was eerily quiet, and Jaehyun was so uncomfortable that he started wriggling around in his seat. Doyoung cleared his voice, before speaking up.

"I won't say you did good. But you did your best to manage the situation. I'll not blame you. Now I'll assume the kids are going to ask Taeyong-Hyung questions about it?"

Jaehyun shook his head. "I told Jisung not to tell them. They don't know anything, so we still have a choice," his voice lowering an octave, almost cautious, "if we don't want them to know."

Johnny shook his head from beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "We'll have to tell them anyway. Don't blame yourself. It's a bit rushed. Nothing unexpected." He assured. Jaehyun let his shoulder slack a little bit, leaning into the elder's side, accepting the comfort.

"Was that the thing that kept you awake all night?" Jaehyun wasn't in much of his senses to even spare Johnny with a response, but he didn't want to disrespect the elder, so he nodded slightly. Suddenly, he felt hands under his knees, and before he knew, he was being shifted into Johnny's arms, being carried into some room. As soon as his back touched the comfy mattress, a soft sigh left him, quite involuntarily.

"There's something else that's troubling you, isn't it Jae?" Leave it to Johnny to read anyone like an open book. But never did Jaehyun feel this uncomfortable, but it might be because the treatment was never aimed at him. It wasn't like Jaehyun didn't want to answer, but he was too embarrassed to.

"Don' wanna worry you." He slurred, nonetheless. Johnny shifted somewhere beside him, and a big, heavy hand draped over him, shifting Jaehyun onto his side, his face tucked in Johnny's chest. Another reflexive sigh left him, and Johnny's small giggle was more _felt_ than heard.

"You think Taeyong deserves all the attention, now? How about you all?" Johnny questioned, though he didn't expect an answer. But he did make sure that Jaehyun was listening, even if it meant shaking the boy every time he edged near sleep. He needed to make sure that the younger doesn't hold any misconception.

"You are as much important as Taeyong, Jae. And your every problem, every concern and every fear is valid. Even if Taeyong isn't at his best and needs attention, it doesn't mean you don't, or that you'll ignore it." Johnny sat up Jaehyun a little, making sure his next words were made crystal clear to the younger.

"You're important Jaehyun. As much as Jisung, as much as Doyoung, and as much as Taeyong. It's okay to hurt, it's okay to be selfish in a while."

Jaehyun felt an uneasy feeling of deja-vu settling in his gut, but he ignored it in the favor of hugging Johnny as tight as he could in his foggy state of sleepiness. And even if Johnny felt tears soaking into his night shirt, he didn't say anything, just rubbing soothing circles into Jaehyun's back. 

"I'm afraid."

"So am I, but we're all together. Don't be afraid."

"It- It _hurts_."

"It sure does, right? Together, we'll make it fine."

The vocalist soon drifted into a comfortable sleep, his posture more relaxed and his forehead free of wrinkles. Johnny slowly slipped out of his hold, heading back into the kitchen, when he noticed that the center of this blanket pile was empty. _He was sure he saw Taeyong turning and tossing in his sleep while carrying Jaehyun, just mentally making a note to shift him to his own bedroom._ He might have woken up. Johnny thought before he proceeded into the kitchen. But he was slightly surprised to see no other soul there, other than Doyoung.

"Was Taeyong here?"

"Why would he be here? Wasn't he sleeping?" Doyoung asked, still buttering the toast in his hands.

Something strange seeped up Johnny's spine, as he rushed towards the washroom. It was open, and to his dismay, there was no Taeyong. He checked back in the living room, just making sure that his eyes didn't betray him, before heading into Taeyong's bedroom. _Yeah, he must have woken up and walked into his room._ The situation was possible, and Johnny let his tension settle for a while. But it was too early for it.

If anyone else had seen, they would classify it as a normal young boy sprawled out on the bed, too tired to even pull his legs up. Even in the idol industry, they barely had time to close their eyes, so if they had the access to bed, they didn't bother with tucking in with 'manners'. Just a cushion under their back was enough for sleep to call for them. But what set Johnny into a frenzy was the open bottle near Taeyong's bed. It wasn't uncommon for idols to carry sleeping pills with them, since their sleep timings were messed up due to their schedules being all over the place. Hell, even Mark had a bottle of those pills. The younger boy took too much trouble being in all three units, making comebacks within weeks or even days of his previous one. But they never left it out in open, always tucked in the depths of their drawers, or in the secret pockets of their backpacks. And _never ever_ did they leave it **_open_**.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another cliffhanger...
> 
> Hehe¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	7. Chapter-7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Understanding the misunderstandings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are slight mentions of suicides, so a trigger warning is being issued.

Jaemin had this unsettling for quite a while now. To be exact, from the past night, since he saw Jisung slip out of his bed to attend a phone call, returning to his bed with a heavy sigh. Even throughout the ride back to dorms from the amusement park, his eyes never left a particular person. Well, everyone was worried for Taeyong, so Jaemin wouldn't deny admitting that he himself had been eyeing Taeyong from the corner of his eyes. But Taeyong wasn't on the receiving end of Jisung's side glances. Jaehyun was.

He wasn't sure if it had something to do with Taeyong, but in the morning Jisung walked into the kitchen, looking like he had pulled an all-nighter. And if the sudden mention of the trip of 127 dorms was anything to go by. Sure, if his answers lay in NCT 127 dorms, he had no trouble going there.

"Is there something you want to tell?" Jaemin asked, even though they were about to set off to the 127 dorms in barely 15 minutes. Jisung was scrolling down his phone, but his eyes were not focused on the screen. At Jaemin's question, his head snapped up, a look of pure surprise printed on his face.

"N-No. it's nothing. I-I'm fine." And Jaemin knew how much of truth they were, even if he ignored the stuttering.

"I'm asking again. Is there something you think I _should_ know?" Jaemin asked, again, this time making his tone more pressing, hoping that it would do the work. Fortunately, Jisung seemed to be seriously considering it, not replying for a while. But in the end, he was unable to gather courage to speak up, just shaking his head. And Jaemin knew better than to bully the kid into admitting.

"Okay. But will you tell me if you need any sort of comfort? Not just from me, but from anyone?" Jaemin asked, more like confirming himself. _Jisung would tell us if he's having some problem, right?_

The nod he received was a beat slower than his liking, but Jaemin got up from his bed, deciding to do the rest of the waiting in the living room. But as he passed Jisung's bed in the way, a hand grabbed his wrist, grip too tight and _desperate_. His eyes followed the hand's owner, the boy still looking at ground, weighing his decisions.

"I need it. The com-comfort." Jisung confided, and Jaemin didn't even take another second to drop down on his bed, gathering the younger in his arms, tucking Jisung's face in his chest, and stroking his head, just like Jisung liked. The silence was there, but never uncomfortable, just soothing and waiting. For once, the noise in Jisung's head stopped blaring horns, basking in Jaemin's comfort. And Jaemin's concern took a back seat, though he knew it would return. But he has more pressing issues, like Jisung.

Jisung didn't cry. Jaemin didn't even feel a tear on his shirt, though he wouldn't mind even if his shirt was soiled. And it made Jaemin wonder if the boy was already _over_ with his share of tears. _Was it last night? Was I too deep in thoughts to ignore him crying on the bed just next to me?_ But it wasn't time to repent. So Jaemin pushed back the thoughts, focusing on the boy in his arms.

"I think we should go into the living room. It's almost time to leave." Jisung murmured. For Jaemin, the 15 minutes were over too early. But nonetheless, he went into the living room, with Jisung in tow. He's going to get answers, and if it meant he had to wait, he would do it happily. They had time, _right_?

* * *

Johnny couldn't even feel his hands anymore, though he sure they are somewhere situated near his thigh and shaking as if on vibrate mode. Well, he is sure his _whole body_ is on vibrate mode, now. His feet were stuck to the ground as if struck through super glue, though he wasn't willing to move towards the bed anymore further than he has.

"Tae?" His voice was too small, too low to be heard, but Johnny was already sure the man in question wouldn't hear it. The thoughts that were going in his mind were too fast for Johnny to catch up, so he held on the _one thing_ that made sense to him, in the moment. _Doyoung_. 

Before he knew, he found himself in the kitchen, where Doyoung was settling down the breakfast on the table. When Doyoung finally noticed Johnny's presence, his eyes blew up wide.

"What happened? Is everything fine?" He asked, already pulling off his apron. Johnny wanted to speak, he wanted to explain what he saw and what he thinks is happening, but his mouth was not prepared for so much use, and the only word that left his lips were, " _Tae_."

"Is something wrong with Taeyong-Hyung?" Doyoung was almost frantic at this point, the only thing that was different from Johnny was that Doyoung wasn't shaking like a leaf. Johnny shook his head, wishing he could say something else, but Doyoung seemed understand even if he doesn't say so.

"Okay. I'll go check. Stay here, Hyung. And if you can, wake the others. Get your phone, keep it on standby if we need to call the ambulance. We'll probably need Hyesung-Hyung to be up as well, but if things come to that, I think we'll have time for it." Towards the end, he ended up talking to himself, rather than Johnny. He pulled out a chair form the dining table, guiding Johnny to sit down. He checked Johnny before he left to enter into the lion's den. _It's too fast for Doyoung. Too fast than he can handle._

The door to Taeyong's door was left open, courtesy to Johnny, and Doyoung let himself in. Well, nothing seemed wrong. Taeyong was lying on the bed, though in a quite mannerless way, but Doyoung didn't have time to note that. But then his eyes caught up on the bottle that lay open on the table, and he couldn't stop himself from reaching out to the container. He shook the bottle, and to his horror, it sounded almost empty. That's when Johnny panic made sense. And his own caught up. He fell down on his knees, next to the bed, shaking Taeyong, who lay sprawled out on the bed.

"Don't-Don't leave us. _Please_ , Hyung." Somewhere in Doyoung's mind, he knew he had to alert Johnny to call the ambulance, but his mind couldn't follow anything else than uttering Taeyong's name again and again, begging him to stay alive whatever it takes, to not leave them-

"Doie?!" A soft voice called for him, and his head cleared up so quickly at that voice. _He knew this voice._ His head whipped up at the speaker, eyes still full with unshed tears.

There sat Taeyong, looking perfectly fine, as if nothing was wrong. He wasn't foaming from his mouth, his eyes weren't unfocused, his body not lying lifeless, _he wasn't dying_. And it was the last straw for Doyoung, as he promptly burst into tears. Taeyong, though shocked, gathered the younger in his arms, stroking his back soothingly as he _always_ did. _He isn't dying. He's next to him._

"You're...okay?" Doyoung asked, overcoming his initial shock enough to form questions. Well, Taeyong did seem fine, almost as if waking from sleep, and Doyoung suddenly pinched his cheek. But it hurt, and he was happy for the first time, _because it hurts_. This isn't a dream. Taeyong nodded, still trying to catch up with the situation.

"Did something happen?" Taeyong asked, and though it was as innocent as it could be, Doyoung seemed to regain his senses enough to be angry at the statement.

"Something? You suddenly disappear from the living room, you have a sleeping pills bottle open next to your bed, the bed on which you're lying sprawled out. For God's sake, we thought you- you're dead," Doyoung gulped, "at least attempted to kill yourself."

Taeyong sat still, not moving in an inch, still processing the words that Doyoung blurted out. "Wait. That means you thought I was dead. I mean- you thought I considered suicide. Why would I?"

"You know-" Doyoung tried, failing miserably. He can't get those two words out of his mouth. _Those two damned words._ But Taeyong interrupted his answer.

"And what do you mean by ' _we_ '? Someone else thinks that I did-?" And suddenly, Doyoung remembered. Johnny was waiting in the kitchen, shocked to his bones, waiting for his signal to call the ambulance. He sprang up on his feet, startling Taeyong, who soon followed his action, looking equal parts scared and concerned.

"Johnny-Hyung." Doyoung, now understood why Johnny was unable to say anything other than Taeyong's name. Taeyong connected the dots, and dragged his sleepy self into the living room. When he saw no Johnny, he next moved to the kitchen. There sat Johnny, his finger hovering over his phone, ready to press a _particular button_.

Taeyong cleared his throat, and Johnny looked up, and the exact moment that his eyes met Taeyong's, he leapt up on his feet, practically throwing himself onto Taeyong. Somehow, Taeyong expected it, hugging the elder tightly to his heart.

"You're not dead." Johnny stated, his voice barely audible, and it would have been unnoticed, if his mouth wasn't just next to Taeyong's ear. Even in this serious and emotional hug, Taeyong couldn't stop the absurdity of the sentence from hitting him. He let out a scoff.

"Obviously I'm not. What made you think that?" Taeyong asked, now pulling out of the hug. Johnny tried to cling to him, but Taeyong really wanted to know what had these two men panicking so much, when they could have easily assumed that he was asleep. Doyoung stood behind him, back leaned against the wall, watching the exchange. His posture was still cautious, but when Johnny extended his hand, he gladly took it. They all settled on the dining table, the breakfast ignored. Honestly, Taeyong was glad the others didn't wake up, he couldn't handle more than two panicked people at the same time, at least not in his sleepy state.

"So, why did you think I attempted..." Doyoung turned his head to Johnny, who did the same, and the moment their eyes matched, even Taeyong could hear the question in their eyes clearly. _Why?_

"The pills bottle was open, and you were lying on the bed as if-" Johnny tried to explain.

"I even shook the bottle, it was almost empty." Doyoung backed him up. Taeyong slid a hand through his hair in frustration.

"That's because my pills are almost over. I have been using them since 8 months, for God's sake. And I was just having another headache, and it became too difficult to sleep in the living room, so I took a pill and slept in my room. As for the open bottle, well, the pill had a quick effect. As soon I gulped it down with water, in a moment I felt sleepy and I may have forgotten closing the bottle." Taeyong explained. "Now does any of you two mind answering my question, if you're done blaming me?"

Johnny fiddled with the hem of his shirt, and Doyoung was staring at the toast as if it were a piece of art. Taeyong sighed heavily, cocking his head back on the chair.

"I mean, you could have assumed- _though it is the truth_ \- that I was just sleeping. Why did you have to think to that extreme?" Taeyong wasn't scolding them, he was just curious. _Why did they even think he'll commit suicide? Does he seem so weak? Do they really-_

"It's just that the last days were quite, um, stressful."

"So you thought I wouldn't be stable enough to even manage a regular dosage of sleeping pills?" Taeyong wasn't actually angry. Just speechless. _This_ is why he is so against them knowing. He isn't a glass- bound to be broken. He doesn't need to be babied around, worrying people around him so much that they lose their own sleep. It felt good, having all their attention to himself, but sometimes it's just plainly _burdensome_.

  
He loves them- _each one of them_ \- but sometimes they are just dumb. They overdo everything, making something that was meant to bring warmth into something that poked sharp needles into him.

"Look. I'm not going to die, until it's this cancer thing." The other two in the room flinched, but Taeyong ignored it pointedly. He needs to say it loud, so that they would believe. _So that he could believe._ "So don't expect me to do something nonsensical like this. I won't leave you, and even if someone or something tries to separate us, I will fight it till the end. Stop thinking I'm breakable. I will not- _and I repeat it_ \- I will not leave you. **_Never_**."

Well, he didn't expect an armful of clingy Johnny and a rarely clingy Doyoung- he rarely acts younger to someone, so being clingy is next to none of his habits- but he didn't want to have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please ask someone for help if you are not feeling your best. And if you want to keep it somewhat private, you can message me on twitter.
> 
> @ChaJiHo2


	8. Chapter-8

"I need more sleep. Though Doyoung shook me up, the pill still has effect, and I think I'm going to sleep anytime soon." And as if on prompt, Taeyong yawned, still having the manners to cover his mouth.

"We should get back to the room too. I'm tired." Doyoung said, stretching his body.

"What about the breakfast?" Johnny asked.

"I'm in no mood to eat anything. But I may want to, once I wake up. I'm going back into my room. Make sure to leave some for me. Toasts, especially. I love Doie's toasts." Taeyong got up from his chair and headed back into his room. Johnny, too, got up and headed into the hall, checking up on the others before heading into his own room. Soon, Doyoung left for his own, not before leaving a post-it near the covered breakfast.

_'Leave some for the elders too, you brats.'_

* * *

  
"Well, the note does say leave some for them, but I don't want to." Haechan whined. The rest of 127 was sitting on the dining table, munching on the breakfast, with exactly three toasts left. But Haechan was apparently still hungry, so to do Hell with the notes and stuff, he's going to eat.

"I got a message from Renjun. Says they are heading here." Mark said. "They did come yesterday, but Jisung wants to come, so..."

"Is he fine?" Yuta asked, concerned due to the younger's sudden urge to meet the elders. It was just yesterday that they spent quality time together, so wanting to see them again was slightly strange, but Yuta would never mind.

"Ah. It's because yesterday Taeyong-Hyung was not so well." Mark said, basically reading out the text Renjun sent him. Haechan stopped eating, swallowing whatever was in his mouth hurriedly before asking.

"Do they know?" Mark checked back through the message history, but nothing hinted at the fact.

"From what I know, they don't." Mark replied. Taeil slipped out of the kitchen, into Jaehyun's room. He was sure something was wrong, when Jaehyun got up to make a call, and in the process, ended up waking Taeil. He wasn't expecting Jaehyun's call to be so private that he would slip out of the dorm, but when Jaehyun returned looking like death warmed over, he was sure something was definitely wrong. _He just wishes it isn't something related to Taeyong. He doesn't want things to get more complicated._

A peaceful sleep was the last thing he expected to get, so he was completely unwilling to disturb it for someone else. But looking at the way the Dreamies were rushing to the dorms, something was _off_. And the farthest thing Taeil could relate it to is Jaehyun's phone call last night. So as much as he hated it, he _had_ to do it.

"Jaehyun-ah." He called softly, but the soft call was enough to wake the younger. The boy rubbed at his eyes, before opening them enough to locate Taeil sitting on his bed.

"Taeil-Hyung?" He asked, his voice rough from the sleep. Taeil nodded, holding his hands in his own, before throwing the trivia quiz.

"Do you know why the Dreamies are heading here?" Any trace of sleep from Jaehyun's posture vanished, as he bolted up on his bed.

"You don't know? Johnny-Hyung didn't tell you?" He asked, and Taeil replayed the morning's events in his mind, making sure he doesn't miss anything, like Johnny informing him about Dreamies visiting their dorms. But Taeil hadn't seen Johnny since he woke up- he had already shifted to his own room when Taeil got up from the blanket fort in the living room. So, Taeil shook his head.

"Um- Jisung knows about- about Taeyong-Hyung's condition. And it was decided that the other Dreamies should also know." Taeil was confused. If this big scale of revelation was going to happen, why doesn't anyone know? Wait-

"Does Taeyong know? Did he agree?" Jaehyun seemed confused, and it worried Taeil more. _How much of miscommunication has been going on, in just one morning?_

"I told Johnny-Hyung and Doyoung-Hyung. Rest, I don't know." And Taeil doesn't want to know. He could now easily classify this morning as the second worst mornings of the year, probably, next to the morning of the revelation- two days back. _Two days_. Just two days, and it is so much of a hussle to even hold it a secret. Sure, never did NCT have it the easy way.

"I'll go ask Taeyong about it. You go get breakfast, or if you still want to sleep, go ahead." Taeil said, getting out of the room. He let out a sigh, before entering Johnny and Haechan's shared room. As expected, Johnny lay on his bed, soft snores leaving his nose. Once again, Taeil wondered why he had to wake every single person who seemed to be _finally_ getting some sleep after these two days of mental stress.

"Hey, Johnny." He slightly patted the younger, knowing he wouldn't wake easily like Jaehyun. Johnny didn't budge, so Taeil hit him a bit harder, and that did the trick as Johnny grumbled in his half -asleep state. Something along the lines of _'Let me get my beauty sleep'_. Had the situation been even slightly different, he would have surely taunted the younger, but Taeil's priority right now is something else. _Taeyong. Dreamies._

"Johnny, did Jaehyun tell you something along the lines of Dreamies that we should know?" Taeil knew dropping the bomb would do the trick. And it did, as Johnny sat up in the same way Jaehyun did, sleep long gone from his eyes, which stared back at him, shocked.

"Dreamies? They are coming? Already?" He asked, pushing Taeil aside in his hurry to get his feet on the floor. He found his slippers, and ran out of the door. Taeil, expecting any and every form of answer he could get, followed him as Johnny entered into Taeyong's room for the nth time that day. _Seriously he should consider getting any room next to Taeyong's for some days._

"Doyoung? Did you tell Taeyong about the Dreamies?" If Taeil was feeling bad about questioning Johnny as soon as he resembled any sort of consciousness, that was nothing compared to _this_. But as expected, the reaction was immediate, though not so fast. Doyoung, who lay snuggled next to Taeyong, acting as the big spoon, turned around to face Johnny who looked every bit of hurried Taeil felt. Taeil didn't need some super power to understand that Taeyong _clearly_ didn't know that the youngest members of his groups are coming here to demand an explanation over his condition, and most probably the reason, as well, about why he hid it.

"Dreamies? Why about them, now?" Doyoung asked, still groggy from sleep.

"They are on their way." Now, Taeil considered Doyoung was more of a vocal boy. As an idol, obviously, but also as a human. The boy was faster than anyone and second to none in his skill to reply any negative thing aimed at him with sass. So when Doyoung woke up like lightening struck him, he was Taeil was genuinely shocked by the boy's agility. But now is not the time to praise such things. For God's sake, they didn't have _time_. 

This whole thing is more hurried than their schedules, more energy-draining than their dance, and required much more attention than their tongue-twister lyrics. For once, all Taeil wanted to do was go back to the daily schedules to the SM Entertainment building, howsoever monotonous they may be. Taeil is probably done with the thrill for this year, he can't handle any more twists in the story. _Though he doubted if fate has anything to do with how much he can handle and what he wants._

And as Taeil returned from the momentary trip in his thoughts, he realized that Taeyong was awake, and probably completely aware of the situation, if his wide and eyes and stiff posture was anything to go by. He was in time to catch the climax of the conversation, though.

"Can you tell them?" Johnny asked, and though Taeil was the last one to join in the conversation, he was very much desperate to hear the answer, as much as the others in the room. Taeyong didn't reply immediately, but the slight nod of his head was a louder answer. Taeil gently brushed his hand against Johnny's shoulder, and Johnny understood the signal and gave him place on the bed, where Doyoung sat wrapped around Taeyong.

"You know that you don't have to do anything that you think you can't." Taeil said calmly, thankful for once that he is one of the less expressive type of people. He needs to keep his panic in check, when his panic can trigger others.

"They have to know." Taeyong said, his voice still rough, but determination clear in his voice. Taeil nodded.

  
"They do. But I'm saying that you don't have to be the one to tell them." Taeyong's mouth formed an 'O', and he considered the thought for the second, aware of the implication. But then, he shook his head.

"I want to be the one to tell them. Not because they need me, but because I need them. I need to be beside them, answering their curiosity. That is _my way_ of dealing with my tension." Taeyong assured. Johnny seemed to be buying it, and even Doyoung didn't argue, so Taeil left it to the younger to take this decision. He is still the leader. _And he is the leader for a reason. His coolheadedness in making decision, and his ability to handle stress. Though none of the hardcore training could prepare someone for situation like this._

"Fine. Then prepare yourself, and be out in the living room. The Dreamies would be here anytime soon. Same goes to you both. Out of this room." Taeil ordered, matching Doyoung and Johnny's glares, when he ordered them to move.

"What?" Taeil cocked his eyebrow, tone indicating a warning.

"But I want to stay with Taeyong-Hyung more." Doyoung whined. Well, if the situation hadn't been so serious, Taeil would have actual laughed out loud, _because Kim Doyoung is whining_. But now isn't the moment.

"Stop leeching off him for a moment. He's not a baby. He can take care of himself, right Taeyong?" Taeil said, and Taeyong nodded. Doyoung looked like he lost his country to war, and Johnny didn't seem better. And Taeil was sorry that he had to be the reason for that, for he had a heart weaker than anything for his dongsaengs. But the small the 'Thank You' that Taeyong mouthed his way, as he closed the door, was worth it.

* * *

Jaemin had been jittery through the whole ride to the 127 dorms, expectant as well as afraid of what he's going to face. He's intentionally reigning in his imagination, for it could be a unicorn if left to itself, and Jaemin didn't even want to consider the thought of what's coming his way. Jisung had stuck to him the entire ride, and though it wasn't that strange of a sight, he could see Renjun glancing back periodically. Well, he was happy that Renjun didn't ask, whatever it was, because he didn't know anything. _And he hated to admit. Because it means he isn't doing anything to make it **right.**_

_Though he didn't know if he could even do anything._

The ride finally came to an end, as their manager dropped them in the parking lot of the dorm building, taking his car further for a U-Turn. When he returned, he stuck his head out of the windows, and informed the kids.

"I'll be here to pick you up by 4 in the evening. Make sure you complete anything you want to by then." The manager reminded, before driving away. They took the lift to the 5th floor dorm, expecting that the others would be there after breakfast. And even if they headed back to the 10th floor dorm, they can return nonetheless. No one dares to pass meeting time with the Dreamies.

The elevator dinged, and the doors opened into the hallway. Jeno and Chenle, still blissfully ignorant of the atmosphere jumped out, almost skipping till the dorm doors. Then followed Renjun, with somewhat careful steps. Though he wasn't sure what was it was, something was wrong. And then Jaemin exited, before the door closed, with Jisung almost hanging off him. The younger boy had grown more and more clingy since the moment they got off the car, and though Jaemin wanted to comfort him, all he could do was keep his own anxiety in check and let the boy derive his comfort from him. He didn't realize that they fell back in step, until he noticed that Renjun was holding the dorm doors open for them to enter. As he and Jisung shook off their shoes, Renjun placed a hesitant hand on his shoulder, but it calmed Jaemin more than Renjun could ever imagine.

_We're in this with you. Whatever it is, let's face it together._ That's what Renjun's touch seemed to convey, and till that moment, even Jaemin didn't know how direly he _needed_ those words of comfort.

  
_Maybe, just maybe, he could. He could stand against the tides, hold his ground until they retreat back into the sea._


	9. Chapter-9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for another confrontation.
> 
> With myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it can be called a pre-pre-climax?!

The silence spread across the room, neither comforting nor irritating. It was just there. And none of them were ready to acknowledge it, nonetheless break it. It looked like a stilled scene, where things went so slow that even the blinking of an eye is visible in the macroseconds. But Renjun doesn't want it.

He doesn't want to see his hyungs blinking his eyes, heck, he doesn't even want to match his eyes with them. Yet somehow he felt a need to explain, a need to reassure Taeyong, who was looking at him with his anticipating gaze, that he understands. _But does he really? Does he really know how it feels like to suddenly given two choices, one to live painfully or to die peacefully._

He doesn't want to make that choice, not until he is forced to do so. And he believes his hyungs to do that for him, if time comes. He doesn't want to make a choice that wasn't really a choice. He raises his head, although he suddenly felt the hawk eyes of the others on his, realizing how motionless the room was, till he made a move.

"So, when will the treatment start?" Renjun couldn't think of any other comment, none which would make sense and wouldn't sound stupid. Though he was sure this sounded as much stupid.

"That will be discussed tomorrow when Taeyong visits the hospital." Johnny clarified. Next to him sat Jaemin, scarily still. When Renjun turned to face him, his face was blank, like a white sheet. Not in terms of color, but in terms of his expression. The usually expressive and bubbly personality was gone, and Renjun would never blame the boy.

"I made some soup and toasts, if you want." Doyoung stated, out of the blue. With the attention directed at him, he seemed to shy away, but his eyes still remained fixed on the kitchen. Haechan spoke from where he seated between Taeil and Mark, his back pressed against the former and his legs on the latter, though none complained.

"Toasts are over, though soup may be left a little. But you'll have to scrape the floor of the pot if you really want to eat something." He stated, almost nonchalantly. 

"There was a note on the dining table, which clearly stated to leave some for us." Doyoung scolded, and sighed exasperatedly. "It was meant for four other people as well, Hyuck."

"We can settle for brunch?" Jaehyun asked, almost silently, and it would have gone unnoticed, if Taeyong wouldn't have jumped up at the idea.

"I like that. Brunch for four of us, then." He stated, contented with the arrangement. Well, now Doyoung was left with no other choice than to give up his favorite soup and toasts.

_Revenge awaits for Haechan, though._

* * *

Lunch was a noisy affair, surprisingly. None of them, for once, wanted to address the elephant in the room, and the food was inhaled quickly. The remaining food was stuffed in the refrigerator, while the ones who were free from the duty of cleaning the dishes, settled in the living room, surfing for the movies.

"I thought we were going with the choice of the winner of Stone-Paper-Scissors?" Renjun asked, his hand still firm on one side of the remote, as the other part was held by Haechan.

"Exactly, I won. So movie of my choice." Haechan shrugged, and with a particularly harsh pull at the remote, he successfully surfed through the movies, deciding which one to choose.

"And since when did Paper beat the Scissors, Haechan?" Taeyong asked, as he emerged out of the room. The living room was filling slowly, and since it was almost noon, the windows were closed, and curtains shut. The centralized AC blared through the dorms, cooling up the air. Haechan puffed out his cheeks, whining to let him choose the movie.

"How about I choose?" Jaemin said, completing the dishes, and wiping his hand off the hand towel. Taeyong nodded his consent, and this time both Renjun and Haechan whined. When Taeyong shook his head at them, they started bickering among themselves, blaming each other for losing the opportunity. Jaemin's choice of movie was fairly nice, and when everyone finally settled in the living room, the play button was pressed.

The opening music blared through the speakers, and Taeyong's mind let loose of all the thoughts. He felt nice, surrounded by the people he called his family, and basically everything. It was even better when Jaemin snuggled into him barely 15 minutes into the movie. The younger's body warmth spread through Taeyong's own, letting his muscles loose the stiffness. He felt _safe_.

"Hyung?" Jaemin quietly whispered, as the movie proceeded in the background. Taeyong adjusted himself, so that the younger could face him.

"Are you- are you afraid?"

Was Taeyong afraid? He had cried so many times in the past three days, that he lost count of it. But every time he cried, it was not because he was _afraid_. He was sad, angry, frustrated, and so many things, but _afraid_. _But should he be?_

"Why do you think should I be?" He asked instead.

"I don't know, we're all afraid that some- something would happen to you. We're attaching ourselves to you like you're going to vanish the next moment, but none of this is because it's good for you. It's just because _we're afraid_. And all this time, we never knew what you felt."

Taeyong was always proud of his kids, and Jaemin was just a special case. He couldn't even imagine how he manages to remain so childish, yet be so mature at moments like this. None of what he said was false. Others have been basically manhandling and babying him since the news was relayed, and no one asked him how he felt. _But did he even ask himself?_

"Well, I feel like I lost all the confidence I had, in the future. I mean, I'm not dying, but I'm suddenly afraid of the future. I feel like I am running out of time, like I have to make the most of the day before I fall asleep, because," Taeyong sighed, the truth which he wanted to avoid so desperately, now out in the open, " Because I don't know if I will see the next morning of not."

Taeyong knows he's overreacting. None of the symptoms that he read on internet even showed themselves. _Nosebleeds, fatigue, nausea, speech or vision problems._ None of them were there, except for the constant headaches. He isn't dying, he isn't lying on the hospital bed drooling, unable to recognize who's talking about what. He is standing in his full glory, the mighty Lee Taeyong, a gem of SM Entertainment. The leader of NCT, the elder but all the while cute big brother for the youngers. _But why does it feel like time's slipping out of his hands? Like each and every smile of his is being counted, and waiting to be countered._

"It's not bad to feel afraid, you know. My mom used to say." Jaemin said, his words relaxed, yet cautious, "You can be afraid of ghosts, heights, insects, or anything. As long as it's not you. You can't be afraid of yourself. Because the moment you're afraid of yourself, you just can't live." He turned to the elder, facing him. Jaemin's eyes shone with tears, but the brighter light was that of determination. "I'm sure there's so much we can do, hyung. You're not losing this battle, as long as you have us. We _can_ , and we _will_ the fight, hyung. Not only against _this_ , but against your fear. We'll never leave you to face your fear, all alone, hyung. _Never_." Taeyong's eyes were unable to hold down the few tears of pride, happiness, and all the more sadness that filled him.

_So all this time, he had been afraid. Just too afraid to even acknowledge it._

"But hyung, there's something you'll have to face all alone. It's you, hyung. After all of this is over, _and I'm sure it will be,_ you'll have to learn to face yourself, every morning. _We'll_ have to learn to overcome this fear." Jaemin sighed, but Taeyong was giddy, just imagining the end. _It's going to end, and then I'll walk out of the hospital as if nothing was wrong, head high and smile fixed on my face. And then, I'll turn back and say, "Time, you'll have to wait to have your hands on me."_

The others may or may not have eavesdropped on some or the other part of their conversation, but Taeyong wasn't that uncomfortable anymore. He turned to Jaemin just as the movie neared its climax, _but now Taeyong wasn't afraid of endings. Because ending was just another beginning._

"Together?" He asked, and Jaemin almost immediately nodded his head. His voice was much stronger, and Taeyong felt the strength seeping into him.

"Together."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It came out shorter than I expected. But probably it is the best part to cut off, since the next part may supply for it.


	10. Chapter-10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not have cried writing this.
> 
> I simply couldn't stop writing this chapter to the end, and it felt as if I wasn't doing it justice if I cut it somewhere, so it ended up being almost 3k.

The Dreamies manager was true to his word, and came at 4 in the evening to pick them up. Though they whined at the elders to let them skip practice, even Hyesung had denied them. The management was already wary since their sudden amusement park trip, and Hyesung didn't want to let them on to something that they would regret later. So the Dreamies bid their goodbyes, each one of them giving Taeyong a tight hug, Jisung's being the tightest.

  
"We'll call you tomorrow." Jeno said, and with that they left the dorms, taking the little bit of life they brought to it with themselves. The dorm was back to quiet, as each member settled for their own work. The clattering of dishes meant that Doyoung was preparing the dinner, which was pretty early, it being only 5 in the evening. Haechan and Johnny clicked mindlessly at the remote, playing through whatever game was turned on the player. Yuta was reading a book, with Mark peeking in from beside him, whenever he felt like it. Jungwoo was shuffling between helping Doyoung in the dinner, and tucking himself under Taeil's arm. Taeil put Jaehyun back to bed, though the latter insisted that he was fine. _The bags under his eyes said otherwise._

Too many thoughts went on in Taeyong's head, but Taeyong was too dazed out to latch on any of them. Instead, he stared off at the wall in front of him, and suddenly felt the need to take a look around the house. He got up from the sofa, attracting the attention of basically everyone in the room. _He's tired of this. The carefulness in their eyes, the caution in their steps, and the hesitation in their words. As if he was due to break down, shattering into a million pieces as soon as he falls. While it may not be completely untrue, he still wanted to be treated normal. Because this makes the shattering all the more obvious. Like a time bomb, waiting for the time to end, to go off._

Time bomb. That's what Taeyong had become. Time ticking away, as he lay motionless in his bed. Bringing much more fear with the passing time, than the actual explosion. Taeyong wanted to run away, save them the pain and fear of the explosion, but the last thing ( _literally_ ) he could do to them was to stay beside them. Let them think that they are deriving their comfort from Taeyong, while truthfully, Taeyong is living upon their comfort. And though he hated to admit, Taeyong would have long done the _deed_ , which Doyoung and Johnny feared, if it not had been for them. He watched them stick to him, like a leech, yet at the end, it was Taeyong who felt benefited. Each time a member sat beside him, or talked to him about anything other than the cancer (well, they simply _couldn't_ ), he felt the storm in him calm a little.

"Dinner time!" Doyoung shouted from the kitchen, and that was what Taeyong needed.

_**Distraction.** _

* * *

"Hyung, do you want to watch something with me?" Jaehyun asked, as Taeyong headed back into his room. _For once, he's happy that he doesn't share a room with anyone._

  
"Didn't we watch one just in the afternoon?" Taeyong raised his eyebrow, surprised that Jaehyun was even willing to watch something with him. The vocalist was generally not so interested in the movie nights even, just there for the popcorn and cuddles. So Jaehyun suggesting things like that, made Taeyong feel even more guilty. _He's making people do things they hate, just for himself. What a nice hyung he-_

"Not movie. I have something else." Jaehyun said, as he dragged him into the room. Now that he observed, there was a laptop in Jaehyun's hand. As Jaehyun pushed Taeyong onto the bed and made himself comfortable, Taeyong opened the laptop and entered the password. The desktop was a picture of them after their first win for Cherry Bomb, tear tracks clearly visible, yet their eyes shining so bright. The picture was clicked in the darkness of the backstage, yet their smiles along with the shining cup were so bright, that it didn't require any extra lightening. Jaehyun took the laptop, selecting a particular file on the desktop. ' _Hyung_ '. The video started, and Taeyong was just left awestruck.

> "-So we welcome our Czennies to another scene of chaos, that is our members. Today we at an amusement park, and we have a special appearance, and that is: NCT Dream.  
>  -This is not JCC, Johnny-Hyung. You shouldn't do it that way.  
>  -Oh, is it then your 'Vroom Vroom'? You want it to do it that boring way?  
>  -Oh, I will. And for your information, Vroom Vroom was interesting.  
>  -Who are you kidding, Doyoung-ah? Do I need to conduct an interview to prove you that?  
>  \- Fine. It's neither JCC nor Vroom Vroom. I'm taking the role of the MC. Hand over the camera."

Taeyong strangely found himself losing everything in his thoughts, just focusing on the video.

  
"Someone really needs to tell Doyoung-Hyung seriously that his Vroom Vroom is a comic flop." Jaehyun commented, trying to deadpan, but failing when the edges of lips curled up, dimples becoming more prominent. Taeyong laughed out loud, to his own surprise, but Jaehyun showed no special movement, so Taeyong didn't try to hide it.

> "Yeah, so Taeyong-Hyung, Jisung and Jungwoo are on the roller coaster," Jaehyun turned the camera around to focus on the roller coaster, which went up and down in its own glory. There were shouts from the roller coaster, and some hands waved into the air, while some grabbed tightly onto the safety bar, as if their life depended in it.
> 
> "Jungwoo doesn't look so good, he seems to be out of his wits," Jaehyun giggled, "and Jisung looks like he's enjoying. That's pretty nice, I should say, and Taeyong-Hyung-" A pause. "Well, I remember he said that he's okay with these rides, but I may remember wrong. He doesn't look so- happy." Doyoung concluded, half-worried and half-amused.
> 
> "I still wonder how people ride these things." Doyoung wondered. Jaehyun turned the camera towards the elder, just in time to catch Johnny's retort.
> 
> "Not everyone has guts like yours, Doyoung-ah."
> 
> "It's not just me, okay?" Doyoung turned to the camera, "There might be many of our Czennies who hate these rides, right? And you're _insulting_ all of them now."
> 
> Johnny turned the camera to himself, a smirk on his face. "I'm not insulting the fear of rides, Doie. I'm just insulting you." He replied, his eyebrows raised as if he had attacked and was waiting for Doyoung to present his defense. But before Doyoung could snap at him, Jaehyun flipped the camera to himself.
> 
> "How about we let our lovely hyungs to fight among themselves, as we have a walk?"

"We should change the Tom-and-Jerry couple from me and Doyoung to Johnny and Doyoung. Don't you think so? They sure bicker a lot." Taeyong commented. Jaehyun paused the video and tuned to face Taeyong.

"You fight more than that, hyung. If them fighting is a lot, your fighting is more like a ton." Jaehyun argued, but the cute pout on Taeyong's face was difficult to ignore, and Jaehyun burst out in laughter.

"Fine. I won't say anything about your ' _love_ ' for Doyoung-Hyung. But you're definitely not stepping down from the title of Tom-and-Jerry."

"Fine." Taeyong said, but they snuggled back together, as Jaehyun resumed the video.

> "Taeil-Hyung, I think that bunny one suits you. Haechan-ah, grab that one please." Haechan nodded enthusiastically, grabbing the one Jaehyun was pointing to, and positioning it on Taeil's head. Boisterously loud laughing noises surrounded the shop, as Taeil looked at himself in the mirror.
> 
> "I look ridiculous! And what's with the camcorder? Put it down. You're not going to get my picture like this. Put it down, I said." Taeil grabbed Jaehyun's hand, as he pushed the camera downward. The video shook as Jaehyun fought to focus it on Taeil's face, and was laughing simultaneously.

"Did you buy that?" Taeyong asked.

"I don't think. But I will have to ask Hyuckie if he sneaked back into the shop, to buy it."

"Let's find Taeil-Hyung that headband. It is awefully awesome." Taeyong laughed, and to Jaehyun's ears, it was a melody. It had been only three days, but it seemed like he was deprived of his hyung's laughter.

> "Jaemin-ah. Can you look at the camera, please?" Jaemin turned around, and his face adorned the lovely smile the fans love. His eyes turned into crescents, shaded by the bangs that fell onto his forehead. His AirPods were in his ears, though it was just an accessory for them at this point.
> 
> "Did you ride anything?" Jaehyun asked, and Jaemin's face lit up more, as Jeno's scrunched up.
> 
> "The Gyro-Drop. Though Jeno is unwilling to get on any of the rides since then." Jaemin laughed, and Jaehyun turned the camera to focus on Jeno's pouty face.
> 
> "I really thought I would drop from there, you know. And when I finally thought it was going to end, it shot up again! That's cheating, right?" Jeno accused, his face pleading his hyungs behind the camera. Taeil laughed out loud, while Haechan replied to Jeno.
> 
> "But that means you are getting every penny you have paid for!" He argued, and Jeno became just a little more sulky.
> 
> "But what is the camera for?" Jaemin asked, pointing to the camcorder in Jaehyun's hand, his finger almost poking the lens.
> 
> "You shouldn't point fingers to our Czennies. That's not good manners." Jaehyun scolded, as he grabbed Jaemin's palm and put in it back down. Jaemin's eyes went wide with surprise.
> 
> "This is for recording purpose?" He asked, amused. Jaehyun shook his head.
> 
> "We are just having fun. It may or may not be used. How about you leave some messages, in case we get to keep this to ourselves?" Taeil suggested. Jeno nodded enthusiastically, his mood taking a 360 degree turn, as he stood in front of the camera, shooting his best eye smile.

Taeyong looked at Jaehyun, his eyes asking an obvious, ' _What is this_?' but Jaehyun just pointed to the video.

> "I'll leave a message to Taeyong-Hyung. Hyung, thank you so much for clearing our schedule for today. You seem like you know whenever we need a break. It was just yesterday when I was complaining to Renjun that I'm bored of waking up to go to dance practice, and then just return home to be completely out of my energy. And it's definitely been long that we had some fun in some parks like this. Thank you!" Jeno thanked. Jaemin pushed Jeno out of the frame, before taking his position and clearing his throat.
> 
> "Well, I would also like to thank Taeyong-Hyung. I just never got to tell him, when he helped me a week back. I was at the dorm since I wasn't feeling well and was exempted from practice, and he came to the dorms to spend time with me. Well I wasn't so lonely before, but I definitely enjoyed his company. Thank you, Hyung. I love you." Jaemin concluded, shooting finger hearts at the camera, and the members _'Ohhhh-ed'_ behind him.

Taeyong already seemed touched by the messages, his eyes slightly teared, so Jaehyun grabbed the box of tissues from the drawer, ready to hand it over, since he knew there's going to be a waterfall of tears after the next message.

> "Haechan-ah, you seem like you want to say something?" Jaehyun prompted, and Haechan shuffled on his foot a little before returning his gaze to the camera.
> 
> "Since Jeno and Jaemin talked about Taeyong-Hyung, I want to talk about him as well. It's not something to um- thank about. But I just want to tell Taeyong-Hyung, that we love you Hyung. Whatever you are, wherever you are, and whatever you do, I love you, and we love you. Hyung will always be our leader, and no matter what, we'll protect you the same way you protect us. Just stay with us, forever, Hyung." Haechan concluded, his eyes tearing up. Taeil's smile had long dropped from his face, and Jaehyun struggled to keep himself from the dropping the camera and hugging the younger. But, Jaemin hugged Haechan first, as his tears started to fall down. The silence covered them for sometime, with occasional hicks in Haechan's breathing.

"I-" Taeyong choked on his own tears, struggling to keep down his sobs, but Jaehyun's hand on his hand had the reverse effect, and soon he was letting out obnoxious loud voices, somewhere between whines and sobs. And all that while, Jaehyun just hugged him tightly, rubbing his back soothingly. The video was paused, but Taeyong was so lost on Haechan's face of pure agony, that he didn't even realize it.

_"We're all afraid that something will happen to you."_

And maybe, he was ready to admit that he's afraid. Afraid to face his problem, afraid to tell people, not just afraid of the disease, but afraid of _himself_. He didn't want to, but he did up doing it anyways.

"Thank you." He said, as he relaxed further into Jaehyun's arms. _Damn, he loves skinship._

"Well, we have a lot to thank you for, so hold it down. We're going to make it more obvious over the time, though." And even through the tears, the laughter broke out of Taeyong. 

> "The air is quite down here. How about we all go for another round of the Gyro-Drop." Jaemin suggested, trying his best to lift up the mood. Jaehyun was thankful for the effort, as he picked up the cue to continue from there.
> 
> "Or better,we can ride the roller coaster, now that the previous round is over!" The effect was almost immediate, as Jeno shook his head, and tried to argue about how roller coaster's are _dangerous_ , and how the gravity will do its work to bring them down, if they don't hold onto the safety bars tight enough. Even Haechan had laughed at Jeno's pleads, and in the end, they did end up deciding to get on the roller coaster.

Jaehyun ended up editing the last part, since he didn't want to ruin the moment. After a moment of silence, Jaehyun asked Taeyong, "How are you feeling, hyung?"

Taeyong seemed to think hard over the question, and Jaehyun thinks he could understand. Maybe never empathize, but he at least understand. A typhoon is going on in his brain, and Taeyong was trying to reach for its eye. It is a long and hard journey, but Jaehyun was sure of Taeyong's will power. Taeyong sighed, after a while.

"I feel frustrated and angry, and maybe _afraid_. But strangely, I'm satisfied." He declared, and his words sounded if they weren't his. It was as if someone else was speaking for him, but he could relate nonetheless.

"It feels like I have so many things I have to do, and I don't even have the time to sleep, but with all of you around, I feel like I only want to rest. It's strange, to say the least. I'm confused." Taeyong said.

"It's okay to feel confused, you know. It's okay to feel sad, and hurried, and afraid. Not because you're having cancer, or you have only counted days left for yourself." Jaehyun was himself surprised how easily he could say the _damned word. Almost as if the word was no longer damned. Just a word of the dictionary. Just a medical term._

"Remember when you told us that we could whatever we want to do, because we may be idols, but it's our life. No matter how much money the company pays for us, or how much money it makes from us, howsoever large the amount may be, our lives are still ours. Our lives are priceless. So is yours, hyung. You are allowed to feel whatever you feel, because damn it, for once we are humans and humans are meant to _feel_. Feel happy, feel sad, and feel afraid."

"Don't fear to be afraid. Because such a fear is just another fear."

Taeyong giggled, though it was too wet to be funny.

"You sound like Mark when he speaks in English. That possibility one." Jaehyun let out a laugh himself, for _the heck that statement is too funny. Especially Mark's face throughout it._ But Jaehyun knew that the joke was just a way the elder was saying, _'It's fine, Jaehyun-ah. I'll understand, and keep that in mind.'_

Three days. Taeyong thought it was long, but now that he thinks, it too quick. _Just_ three days. That's what it took to come in terms with himself, with his body, and _brain_. It took three days for Taeyong to understand that his life may not be in his hands, _at least not now,_ but his happiness is always his his own choice. _And probably the happiness of the ones around him, as well._

_So, fuck cancer, if it wants to end my life. But I won't let it touch my happiness. **Never.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be posting a Stray Kids fanfic tomorrow, so if anyone is interested, they can check..
> 
> Shameless promos...hehe  
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	11. Chapter-11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get ready?  
> Showtime!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some serious plot twists....
> 
> Don't come at me after this😛😛

_Taeyong's not going for war, just the hospital, for God's sake. But maybe it would have been good if it was the former though, for Taeyong had enough skills to fight even a bulky person, despite his own lean physique. But cancer...they weren't so sure._

The next morning was the D-Day, the day they were to be thrown some actual medical terms, which Taeyong was sure he would never understand. But maybe the brief study of his _condition_ could help, so trying doesn't hurt. The morning breakfast was just another mess, and Taeyong wondered what he had done in his previous life to deserve this. But he loves this chaos, _his chaos._

Doyoung decided to follow him to the hospital. Though it was generally Johnny who did it, he was too afraid since the little scare from the previous day, and maybe Taeyong was a bit hurt by it. But he could talk about that later, and personally with Johnny. He would, anyway, have to thank them for not telling the others. The ride was silent, since Doyoung wasn't a chatter-box like the rest, and for once Taeyong was thankful for that. The ride left him some time to think about the near future.

_Once he is informed about the cancer, would he be asked to decide the treatment immediately? Will he be given time to come in terms with it? Would they directly suggest surgery, or start with Chemotherapy? There sure will be a hell lot of medicines. He'll be having a cocktail of them every day. Wait. Probably things have not escalated that much, and a rather heavy dosage of drugs is enough to help with his cancer. He's not a doctor though-_

"-yung, Tayeong-Hyung!"

Taeyong snapped out of his head, turning to face the two worried expressions, one in the driver seat and other next to him.

"We're here." Doyoung informed. Hyesung turned off the engine, and Taeyong pulled up his mask, following Doyoung into the lobby. The hospital was livelier than it was three days back, though Taeyong had to correct himself. ' _Livelier_ ' is not a word to describe _Hospitals_. The seats he and Johnny occupied three days back were already filled with a family, with two kids playing on the phone while a male, supposedly their father, was bouncing his leg as he sat on the seat. And Taeyong could only assume the missing member of the small family to be the reason they sat there.

Johnny wasn't wrong when he said the hospital seats were uncomfortable. Just that it wasn't the physicality of the words. The chairs were too restricting and uninviting for a person whose dear ones lie inside the operation theaters, unconscious as they are cut open, or for those whose families are reeled into the emergency rooms, bleeding out on the stretchers. Taeyong never wanted any of _his members_ to sit on them. _He'll fight. For them._

"Dr. Yoon's available. Second floor, third cabin to right." Hyesung informed. Taeyong suddenly felt as if his legs have been locked in their place, unwilling to move. All of a sudden, it was too _fast_.

"We can wait for a second, if you want." Hyesung added, and Taeyong was thankful for that. He didn't exactly want to hear the exact thing they had been fearing the past days, hoping somewhere in his mind that it was all a big misunderstanding. He wanted to stall all the time he could, but he shouldn't. There are people who are waiting for him, to return home. 

_Home_. It sounded good. He would rather be done with this quickly, so that he could go home. However, his body seemed to have a mind of its own. His legs still felt like they couldn't- _didn't want to_ \- move, so he reluctantly used the manager's advice and settled down on the nearby chair. Doyoung sat next to him, saying nothing, but still his presence itself was comforting Taeyong to an extent that he couldn't describe.

It has been always like that with Doyoung. They fought like there is no tomorrow, but at the end of the day, there was no one who could understand Taeyong the way Doyoung did, and no one who looked after Doyoung like Taeyong did. And all their fights always brought a domestic feel to their relationship- like real brothers. With Doyoung, Taeyong was just a twenty-something young man, not a responsible leader of 21 kids. _Chaotic kids._  
  
Now that his hip-bone touched a solid surface, he felt as if the energy to stand as well as to fight was slowly leaving him. His thoughts that he pointedly ignored returned again, and this time Taeyong felt each and every thought of his make sense.

"What if I don't want to?" Taeyong said, his voice low and deep, while those words were still somewhat being processed in his mind. He felt a silence that covered him, though the hospital corridor was loud, stretchers and gurneys being rolled, and Taeyong shook his head, dismissing the idea himself. But then a face came into his view, and he saw Doyoung kneeling in front of him.

"Then it's fine. _Absolutely_." He said, his eyes soft, even though his tone was sharp, making his point clear.

"No one's going to hold it against you if you're backing out now. We can just be here another time, and if you want, you can be at home, while me and Johnny-Hyung collect the reports. There's nothing you _have_ to do. Not in this situation." Doyoung said, cupping Taeyong's face. His rubbed rubbed the cheekbone under his thumb, and it was as if a button was pressed. Taeyong's tears started flowing down, but he wasn't loud. He didn't even make a noise, and Doyoung silently wiped his tears, with a soft encouraging smile on his face.

"You want to? Or shall I pull out the car?" Hyesung said, nothing in his tone indicating the irritation Taeyong was expecting. Taeyong shook his head, not before contemplating for a few long minutes. Hyesung nodded understandingly, and stood up, doing his best in covering up the two idols.

When he felt blood rushing back into his legs, he got up, nodding at both of them. They took the elevator, and the attendant pressed the button for them. Taeyong felt as if this particular elevator ride was strangely prolonged, but it might have been his nerves. The elevator dinged as the doors slid open, and the attendant bid them a good day, as the elevator doors slid close. Taeyong let out a heavy sigh, as his eyes landed on the board outside one of the rooms in the corridor. _'Dr. Yoon Do Hyun'_ , it read, and the sweat in his palms made an appearance.

* * *

"Come in." Came the response, as Hyesung knocked at the door of the particular room. As Taeyong looked at Hyesung, he saw an encouraging smile, and as Hyesung settled on the benches outside, Doyoung and him walked into the room. The managers were generally kept outside the consultation sessions, only relaying information that seemed necessary. It was a precautionary measure against the managements which try to control even the personal lives of the idol, but NCT was thankful that none of their managers were like that. But since SM had a not so good reputation in these matters, it was still one of the strict rules.

Dr. Yoon's cabin was like any other doctor's cabin- white tiled flooring, and way too empty. The doctor's table was at the far corner of the room, with two cushioned yet obviously uncomfortable chairs waited them across the table. Taeyong had been to this room too many times, as a leader, as a guardian and obviously as a patient. But he had never been this uncomfortable.

"Hi, Taeyong. So how was your week?" Dr. Yoon asked, his voice bright, and his smile intact on his face. _As if he isn't about to give the worst of the news to the ones sitting in front of him._

"Fine, I think." Taeyong replied, keeping his answers short so that they could move onto the more important topics quickly. Dr. Yoon nodded, before switching to the desktop on the tabletop. He clicked through it, reading it and nodding his head, and if Taeyong could, he would guess that they were his prescriptions from the first visit.

"Heavy headache from a month. Prescribed CT and MRI." He murmured to himself, and then pulled out an large envelope from the pile of reports on his table. He opened the envelope, and a black film fell into his hands, with various images of what Taeyong assumed to be his brain printed on it. He stuck it to the fluorescent screen behind him, and turned around to examine it for a while. And all this while, all Taeyong could hear was his wild heartbeat.

"Hmm. Seems like nothing wrong. Just a case of frequent migraines. I'll write you some medicines, and though it is falling on deaf ears, I would say you should take some much needed rest." Dr. Yoon said, already scribbling off on a fresh piece of paper.

Wait.

_Wait._

_Just a moment._

_This must be a sick joke. Dr. Yoon can't be serious. It's not cancer?_

"It- It's not cancer?" Taeyong asked, his voice shaking tremendously. Next to him, Doyoung sat froze, his eyes blinking too slowly, almost dream-like. 

_And maybe it was a dream. It was just a dream, about him hoping isn't some deadly disease but just a case of migraine as Doyoung initially claimed it be. He has to wake up, then. But this feels good, maybe too good for reality, but still good. If only he can dream for a little more while-_

"Cancer?! Who told you that?" Dr. Yoon asked, his voice going a pitch higher from the shock.

"When we came to collect the reports last time, we were told that-" Doyoung trailed off, hoping he was able to explain it to the doctor. Honestly, he too was surprised, but Dr. Yoon's words were like ray of light in the dark room, and Doyoung wanted follow the light.

"Really? Wait a second, then. let me confirm." Dr. Yoon said, observing the fluorescent screen closely before shaking his head, picking up the intercom next to him. He dialed a number, waiting for the receiver to pick it.

"Hello? It's Dr. Yoon Do Hyun. I asked for the MRI and CT Scan reports for a patient, and I wanted to confirm if I got the right documents." He stated into the phone. He listened to other side speaking, nodding his head off.

"Give me a second." He said, and scrolled through the document on his desktop screen, reading out a code.

"Code is N1V6Y." He recited, though neither Doyoung not Taeyong knew what it was. Dr. Yoon stayed silent for a while, probably waiting for the other side to process the data. His back straightened up again, indicating that the other person was back on the line. He listened to them, nodding his head vigorously.

"Okay. Thank you." He said, and put down the receiver. He scrolled through the desktop again, clicking strenuously on the mouse, his other hand tapping on the desk. Something finally seemed to have popped up on the screen, and Dr. Yoon almost shot up from his seat in the hurry. He stared at the desktop screen for a while, and then looked behind him on the fluorescent screen. He took turns looking at both of them back and forth, and his eyebrows knit together.

"They are the right reports, and I'm sure there's nothing that's even similar to cancer in your reports. Until obviously I'm blind." He said, confidently, but Taeyong still felt the color draining out of his face.

"B-But b-brain cancer-" Taeyong stuttered, clearly struggling to even hold himself upright in his seat. He bent over his knees, face in his palms, and hands supported on his thighs.

"It's not what you think. Maybe you should revisit whosoever told you this thing. But I reassure you that it is just a common migraine, similar to what most of the idols these days suffer from. Nothing dangerous, and _definitely_ not fatal." Dr. Yoon said, hoping his words could provide some comfort. But Taeyong's mind was just screaming ' _Overload_ '. He had prepared himself for the worst, and now that Taeyong thinks, he could have probably heard the worst case scenario with a demeanor better than _this_.

"Are you here with your manager?" Dr. Yoon asked Doyoung, clearly understanding that right now Taeyong isn't in any condition to listen to him. Doyoung nodded, and he stood from the chair, walking off to the door. He briefly opened the door, barely stepping out, before the familiar manager of NCT 127 came inside. The first thing his eyes noticed was the hunched over form of Taeyong, and Hyesung ran over to him, his hand rubbing over the back, hoping to soothe the clearly distressed boy.

"Hyesung-ssi. I assume you too think that Taeyong has cancer?" Dr. Yoon asked. Hyesung nodded his head hurriedly, before realizing the actual meaning of the words.

"What do you mean ' _think_ '?" He asked, his eyes shifting from Taeyong to Dr. Yoon to Doyoung, and back to Dr. Yoon.

"So, I don't know where you got this information from, but Taeyong is not suffering from any kind of brain cancer. His case is of migraine, just a result of stress and overworking." Dr. Yoon declared, preparing himself for the onslaught of questions. But the only thing that greeted the silence in the room was Hyesung's _one_ question.

"So, you mean Taeyong isn't dying?"

**_"No."_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had my first entrance test, out of those many I'm going to attend the next week....  
> And guess what... It went relatively fine!!!
> 
> And by the way, since I'm having my next one on this Tuesday, I'll not be able to update for at least two or three days... I hope you can bear with me!!!  
> PS. Please wish me luck!!!!!  
> (。_。)


	12. Chapter-12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey there I've never forgotten WayV!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the words used here in the second paragraph are inspired by Haechan, and I'm proud of the boy for standing up for their privacy, something which is their right. If you don't know about it, please read about or watch the v-live Haechan did on his birthday. A kind, yet strong message to the stalkers.
> 
> I just had a stressed out week, along with going out in the mid of this pandemic, and that too attending 2 exams within a week. So basically I don't have much chapters left in stock, so I think my updates will take a bit more longer now. SORRY!!!😢😢

"I have to go for patient rounds. I'm sorry, Taeyong. But you can be in this room for as long as you want. I'll tell people not to come into this room." Dr. Yoon went on his knees, matching his eye-level with Taeyong's hunched over form. "It's okay to feel overwhelmed, Taeyong-ah. Take your time, no one is rushing you." He said, a sweet smile adorning his features, before he stood up and walked off, carefully closing the door of the room.

  
Sometimes these small gestures were what warmed their hearts. They loved the shouting audience in the music shows or concerts, but they equally loved those fans who supported them behind the screens. There were times when a soft and shy whisper of ' _I'm your fan_ ' was more satisfying and pleasing than the loud shouts of their names in the enormous halls. Small gestures, like how Dr. Yoon just allowed them to use his room, were what he felt the privilege of being an idol.

"But does that mean Nurse Kim lied to us?" Taeyong asked, after what seemed like hours of silence. It was just the morning that he felt so nice that he got a moment of silence, some time to think, but the silence in the room right now was absolutely and purely what Taeyong hated. It creeped on skin, making its way into his mind, infecting his thoughts. And it was something he was trying to keep at bay for three days.

"Why would she?" Doyoung asked, and Taeyong was curious too. _Why would she lie_? But it wasn't an answer they could get, if they don't move their asses from Dr. Yoon's cabin.

"How about we ask her?" Taeyong suggested, standing up on shaky legs, as they got used to the feeling of the weight of a complete body on them. It took a while to stabilize himself, the physical shock overpowering his mental shock. Hyesung and Doyoung waited patiently for him to take the first step towards the door, a signal that he's _alright_. 

The ride down the elevator was relatively faster, but it may have been because each one of them were so lost in thought they failed to notice the regular ding of the elevator. The attendant was the same one from the morning, and he greeted them, yet again as they doors began to close on him. The ER was across the the corridor, and thankfully, the people in the long hallway seemed to be concerned for their own loved ones, or too busy with their own work, that they barely noticed them walking across them.

There was no bustle in the ER, but the beds were still full. There was a tinge of somewhat a bitter feeling in the air, but Taeyong was so used to it that he could he easily relate it to the ' _Hospital_ '. The nurse station was almost empty, some of them tending to the patients, while the others were seated in the back, relaxing. Hoping that Nurse Kim was in the hospital today, Taeyong moved to the nurse station.

"Is Nurse Kim here?" He asked, his mask pulled up to hide his identity. The nurses whispered here and there a bit, before one of them nodded and went back to call for her. Taeyong's nerves still hadn't calmed, and he suddenly felt too weak to even stand. But the moment his hand reached out to hold onto something, Doyoung's hand steadied his posture, holding him upright. A small gush of relief flooded in, somewhat relaxing him, and preparing him for the next ' _Revelation of the Century'_.

Nurse Kim was still looking the same, though no person changes in three days, but a little tired. Sure, medical jobs demand a lot, when there are not only yours superiors to order you around, but also the guardians of the patients, who could be much more than a just disturbance sometimes. A nuisance. They might be worried, but disturbing or irritating the doctor and the medical staff would be the last thing that could help them or their loved ones. _Then again, people don't think the right way when there are other things that disturb the mind._

"Taeyong? What are you doing here?" Nurse Kim asked. Taeyong wasn't even surprised that she recognized him beyond the mask. Her tone was warm, but at the same time worried. Probably Doyoung's hand on his back was the reason his voice trembled the least since the morning.

"About the cancer thing..." He started, and Nurse Kim's expression turned sympathetic. Maybe in some other situation, he would have _hated_ sympathy, but right now, he didn't even have anything to be pissed about.

"I d-don't have." He completed. His wording was not the best, but all was well since Nurse Kim seemed to get the message. Nurse Kim's expression was somewhat unreadable, but the surprise stuck out too clear to be ignored.

"What?!" She spluttered, and beside Taeyong, Doyoung nodded his head.

"But the reports..."

"That's what I wanted to ask about. The reports." Taeyong stated. He knew that he was clear of any kind of terminal disease, but somewhere in his mind the thought poked him in his mind. _Was the report a mistake? A wrong sign? A prank? What the hell was it?!_

"Wait a moment, then." She said, before she exited the nurse station, searching for someone behind the curtains that separated the patients' beds in the ER. She soon exited his range of vision, not long before returning with another nurse in tow. And Taeyong knew her. She was the same trainee nurse who fetched his reports three days back.

It seemed that Nurse Kim had already relayed the news, for she looked shocked. As soon as her eyes met Taeyong's she bowed down in an almost 90 degree bow, spluttering apologies after apologies. Taeyong shook his hand, and the girl stood back straight on her feet, still looking extremely apologetic.

"Can you at least tell me how the reports got mixed up?" He asked, and the girl bent her head down, instead of answering. Next to her, Nurse Kim sighed.

"Jisoo. We aren't scolding you. Everyone makes a mistake. But what he wants might be just a form of reassurance that he is fine, everything is fine, and that could be the best way you could apologize to him now." She said, and the girl, Jisoo, raised her head at that. Taeyong almost felt bad for her, for she looked a step away from crying. _Must have thought that messing up the reports of some high-profiled idol will be the end of her career. Might not be wrong, but Taeyong didn't want things to get out of the hands._

"I honestly don't know. When Head Nurse Kim told me to find the reports with the name Lee Taeyong, I just went to find them. The authority refused me the online access, since I'm still a trainee, so I had to go through physical records." She explained. Nurse Kim nodded.

"Must have been a mistake in finding the name, then." Nurse Kim concluded. Her eyes met Taeyong's, and Taeyong nodded too. Suddenly, the heavy burden he used to carry seemed to wear off, and it made him light headed. Luckily, Doyoung was still next to him, and his grip only tightened. Now the younger was almost draped over him, clinging to him like a koala. And though the grip was tight, it miraculously loosened the tightness in his heart.

"Does that mean your headaches were just the migraines you suspected them to be?" Nurse Kim asked, pointedly shifting the attention from the young trainee nurse. Taeyong gladly accepted the distraction, nodding his answer. Nurse Kim let out a smile, and Taeyong almost saw a mother in her.

"That's a relief." She breathed, and Doyoung nodded in unison with her, the relief finally making an appearance in the way his posture showed how he let down his guard. After standing there for a while, with no one daring to utter an word, Taeyong made the effort to stand straight, and let on a small smile. The smile wasn't entirely fake, he was just not in the right state of mind to celebrate. _But he was happy!_

"Then I'll get going. See you soon, Nurse Kim." He said, waving his hand in greeting at the elder. She scoffed, but it is nothing less than affectionate.

"How many time do I have to tell you that you never say 'See you again' to a doctor, especially not when they are in duty." That pulled a laugh out of both Doyoung and Hyesung, and Taeyong felt as if he missed it. _The small jokes and happiness. Something that he ignored in the favor of his fear._

_But it was over. Or should he say there was nothing since the start. Just a misunderstanding and a lot of chaos that ensured._

He sure has to take care of whatever tea has been spilled.

* * *

Maybe, Chenle thinks, he shouldn't have called Kun that morning. At least, he shouldn't have mentioned Taeyong. _Or more about his condition_. But now Kun knows. And the last thing he was expecting was Kun saying that he's catching the next flight to Seoul. Somewhere in the background, Yangyang's voice was asking Kun something. But Chenle didn't know what, but he didn't want to know, when Kun's rarely strict voice resounded in the room. In seconds, the other side went eerily quiet.

> "What else did Taeyong-Hyung tell you?"

"Just that much. He's set to visit the hospital today, and then, he's going to get details." Chenle explained.

> "And why didn't they tell us?"

Chenle honestly didn't know the answer to that, so he kept quiet. If they were so much as willing to even let the youngest of the members know about it, what's wrong with letting the other know?

> "I'm coming to Seoul."

Chenle shot up from the bed, eyes wide from the shock.

"Gege. It-It's not a good idea, I think. Taeyong-Hyung won't like it." He said timidly. He wasn't old enough to tell his elder what to do and what not to, but what he said was also not false. Taeyong's going to be mad, if he knows this.

> "You don't know-"

"Kun-Ge. Please." And Kun's resigned sigh was enough for Chenle to fall back on the bed. For a few moments, the only sounds on the line were of their breathing. Chenle didn't think that it would affect him so much. He thought it was just another problem that can be solved, _so where did it go so wrong?_

> "Who will answer their phone if I call them now?"

Kun asked instead, and Chenle was fine with letting him know that. Chenle was just explaining who could be picking up their phones, when the door of his room opened. Renjun's head peeked in from the small space.

"Lunch is ready- Oh! You're talking to someone?" Renjun asked. Chenle looked at the phone, pulling it away from his ear, and sighed. He called Renjun inside the room, before mouthing a 'Kun-ge' to him. Renjun's eyes widened- in shock or realization, he didn't know- and he settled beside Chenle. His eyes asked the permission to take the phone from his hand, and Chenle handed it over. He tuned out the repeat of their conversation, though Kun was rather level headed now.

"It might be Yuta-Hyung or Johnny-Hyung. Doyoung-Hyung went with Taeyong-Hyung to the hospital this morning, so he couldn't pick up, I guess. And they are the only one who are aware of what is actually happening. Oh wait, Taeil-Hyung might be better than both of them, I think." Renjun explained. Kun seemed to be satisfied enough with the information, and the call ended soon.

Chenle was completely ready for Renjun to get mad at him, even scold him, but never did he expect the hug. Renjun's hand was on his head, petting down the hair, and he held the younger close to him. Renjun didn't say anything, but his touch was oh so soft, that Chenle felt himself melting against it.

"I'm sorry." Chenle said, his voice low and filled with guilt, but Renjun just shook his head against Chenle's shoulder.

"It's fine. They were going to know anyway. Let Kun-ge sort it out, okay?" Renjun consoled, pulling the younger out of his arms. He led him out of the door, settling him the dining table, where everyone was serving themselves. Lunch or dinner time in Dream dorms was always a loud affair, but it was somewhat subdued due to the past events. When Chenle settled down on his seat, beside Jisung and gorged on his food silently, the stares shifted to him. Renjun's footsteps were soon heard, and probably Renjun passed a _look_ to everyone, because the momentary attention on him dispersed and the small conversations were reinitiated. Soon, the lunch was over, and Jaemin, Jeno and Jisung retreated for their afternoon naps, leaving Renjun and Chenle in the living room.

"Stop feeling sorry about it, Lele." Renjun scolded. The TV was serving as a background music to their conversation, and Renjun voice was loud enough to reach over it, but still soft to avoid attention from the others. Chenle couldn't help feeling bad about it.

"Maybe if I hadn't called Kun-ge and slipped about it to him, it wouldn't have been so-"

"No." Renjun interrupted. "Just as you said, it's just another _maybe_. Maybe he would have called nonetheless, and would have come to know then? What if he had directly called the hyungs and they had told them? It was set for them to know."

"But it should have been hyungs who did it. They know how to handle the situation, and obviously Taeyong-Hyung would want to explain about it himself rather than have it being explained by someone."

"Both of us know that Kun-ge and the rest of the WayV members would be the last to know, and probably the least. And it's justified, because Kun-ge suggested even coming to Seoul. But Chenle, each one of us is precious to Taeyong-Hyung. And so is he to us. Right?" Chenle nodded vigorously, and Renjun continued.

"But sometimes, what he thinks is the best for us isn't the best. And in those sometimes, we take the step instead of him." Renjun explained. Chenle didn't seem to catch on what he was saying, so he shifted closer to the younger vocalist, patting his head. The younger leaned into the touch.

"So what I'm saying is that I would have done it anyways. Telling Kun-ge. It would have been a matter of just hours." Chenle's eyes widened in shock at the revelation, and Renjun bit back a smile. Sometimes, they tend to forget themselves that they are just teenagers. They might be growing out of it, but it was still too young. Too young to be dealing with stress of fans, performances and sasaengs, when the only thing the kids stress about at this age is their admissions into college.

"Take some rest, it's been stressful for the past days. All will be fine, when you wake up."

**_Renjun didn't know in the slightest how true his words were._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel sad writing about people who can't buy tickets to see their idols, since I'm one of them. I know the feelings.
> 
> ㅠㅠ
> 
> I didn't realize the day and date changed here, all the while when I was busy editing the chapter!!🙄


	13. Chapter-13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Taeyong Day!!!!

"Maybe Yuta, you should stop going around like a pendulum clock. I'm getting dizzy by looking at you." Johnny groaned, leaning back into the cushioned back of the sofa.

"They haven't called yet." Yuta replied, still not even considering stopping the back and forth motion. "What if something bad happened, and he had to be admitted immediately? What if Doyoung was too occupied that he forgot? It's been 5 hours for God's sake!"

"If something has really happened, Hyesung-Hyung will call us. So, stop annoying the shit out of me, and get your ass down on the seat." Johnny said. He didn't mean to snap at the other, but the lack of a proper person who could control Yuta was just making it all the more irritating.

Taeyong was thankfully a part of the hyung line, so he never heard someone telling him off because 'he's younger and doesn't know things'. Sure Taeil was elder, but it was rare to never that someone managed to piss off Taeil to that point. Even Johnny didn't like to pull of the hyung card often, but the kids were so used to him being the cool personality, that even him being serious was generally laughed off. And Johnny generally doesn't take offense. _Except this was not general._

In his defense, the last person he expected to create a ruckus in the living room was Jungwoo. He might be one of the younger members, but Johnny was disappointed that he was the one who was instigating others to ask- or more appropriately, _force upon_ \- Johnny the same question that Yuta is now stuck upon.

_Where is Taeyong?_

"You let me get to talk to Tae, and I'm getting my ass wherever you want." Yuta stood before the elder, his hand on his hips, and tone declarative. Johnny let out an exasperated sigh.

"For all that we know, they might be in the mid of meeting the doctor. It's better if we don't disturb them." Johnny said, but he was already tired of trying to convince Yuta. He's a tough nut, and being the same age as Johnny wasn't helping in any way. When Yuta continued to glare at him, he pulled out his phone from his back pocket, unlocking it and handing it over to Yuta.

_He lost. God knows only Taeyong is capable of managing this mess. And Johnny wants him to be there forever, even if Johnny has to be the one creating trouble. If Taeyong's there, everything's worth it._

Yuta's hand almost snatched the phone away from Johnny's hand, knowing exactly where to go and what to do. But before he could press the green button, the phone ringed. On the screen, showed _Kunnie_ , and Yuta handed back the phone to Johnny, surprisingly letting the older take control. Johnny shot up from his seat, gracefully accepting back the phone, before his expression matched Yuta's surprised one. Why the hell is Kun calling now?

"Hello?"

> "Johnny-Hyung? Why isn't Taeil-Hyung accepting the phone call?"

"Um- All the phones are seized for the moment. Why? What's up?" Johnny tried to sound as much cool and relaxed as he _isn't_.

> "Is Taeyong-Hyung alright?"

Johnny let out a sigh. So here's what he predicted, when Taeyong left seven restless kids in the dorm: _Shit's going to hit the fan_. And this is what exactly is happening. Except for the fact that for once the cause of the trouble isn't the seven kids in the dorm. But luck isn't in his side. _It never is._ Because it had something else in stock for him.

So now Kun probably knows about the whole thing with Taeyong, and since he's just another member of the mom-line of NCT, along with Taeyong and Doyoung, he's going to raise a whole fiasco to set his foot back in Seoul and check up on Taeyong. When the line went silent for a slightly longer time, Kun's voice spoke up. His tone was so _so timid,_ and Johnny never heard it since the younger took up as WayV's leader. Kun was next to Taeyong in managing things, managing _his kids_ , and within NCT, it is quite a task. So both Taeyong and Kun are considered the best and most suitable people for the post of cool-headedness. _Johnny can **finally** relate._

> "Hyung? Is something... wrong?"

"No. Um- I think you know everything, since you're having head-on start to the conversation?"

> "Yeah."

"Taeyong's at the hospital. He'll collect the reports today, and we'll talk about further things, then. And I'm sorry you had to know about things like this. We were going to tell you once we actually had something in our hands to present properly."

> "It's fine. When can we come?"

It's been just five hours since Taeyong's been out of his **_leader_ **shift and Johnny had started his, and Johnny could already feel the frustration radiating off him in waves. Obviously, now convincing Kun that coming to Seoul isn't the best of the options, is his priority, not to mention the extremely burdensome stare Yuta was giving him, from where he sat situated in front of him.

"You're not coming anywhere, Kun."

> "How can we not? When Taeyong-Hyung is-"

"Can you please listen to me, first?" Johnny snapped, for probably the nth time that day. Five hours since he took up the reigns of control, and he's already on the verge of plucking each and every hair out of its root. He'll have to separately make up to every person, once Taeyong's back.

"When I say you're not moving from where you are, I mean it. Even if I have to get SM to do that. You wait till Taeyong's back from the hospital, then we talk with him, and _then_ you'll decide when or whether to come or not."

Johnny can absolutely feel the frustration in Kun's long sigh, but he has nothing to say in this matter. Taeyong will _definitely_ and _positively_ kill him, if he comes back home to find that Kun flew all the way from China's hotel to Korea, only because of... well not only. But still, the last line is, _Taeyong's going to mad._

> "When?"

"What?" Johnny worried if he missed something in his zoning out session. _He's been having those a lot, but in return, he has a lot to deal with and it works, to zone out._

> "When will be Taeyong-Hyung back from the hospital?"

"I- I don't know. We're waiting for him."

> "I'll call back at night. After dinner." 

That's it. The line beeped thrice, and the screen from before the phone call appeared, still showing Taeyong's phone number dialed on the dial pad, his face smiling at him from the contact photo. And Johnny stayed frozen at the spot, still recovering from the sudden outburst of events.

* * *

"Maybe we should call someone and tell at the dorms that we are heading home." Doyoung suggested. "Taeyong-Hyung's sleeping, and if we don't give a heads-up, they're gonna _literally_ pounce on us."

"Sure. Should I?" Hyesung asked, and Doyoung nodded. Hyesung caught that in the rear view mirror, and parked the car for a moment, as he pulled out his phone.

"Who do you think won't play a Fast 5 as soon as I call them?" Hyesung asked, and successfully got what he wanted. A smile. Though a small one, but not forced. The situation seemed resolved, but Hyesung knew it was far from it. Cleaning up is the last, and most most taxing step.

"Taeil-Hyung? I can bet my wrist that Johnny and Yuta-Hyung are fighting somewhere in the dorms, and Haechan and Mark wouldn't even convey whatever we want to. Jungwoo's acting different, though he's shocked, I guess. Jaehyun could be taken up as backup." Well this news isn't something to be delivered over phone, because then Hyesung will have to give up on driving home safely. So Taeil it was. Someone who won't mind getting incomplete details, though it is warranted if and only if he's promised of complete details afterwards.

He dialed the number, and it ringed sometimes before going on voicemail. He called again, receiving the same thing. He dialed up Jaehyun, as a backup, and even this call went into voicemail. Now, he was worried to say the least. He expected them to pick up even before the first ring, desperate to hear _something_ from and about Taeyong, but here he was, being held up. His face scrunched up in worry, and Doyoung clearly noticed it.

"No one's picking up?"

"Yeah. I'll try Johnny, and if he doesn't... well we'll head back to dorms then. I'll make sure to go first."

Hyesung dialed again, this time to Johnny's phone. Thankfully, the owner picked it up in just one ring, just the same way he expected them to.

> "Hyesung-Hyung?"

"Yuta?! Why are you picking Johnny's phone? Is everything fine at the dorms?"

> "It's fine, don't worry about us. How's Taeyong? Why are you calling so late? Did something happen? When are you coming home? Wait, should I hand over the phone to Johnny?"

Now this was what Hyesung wanted to avoid. The Fast 5 round. He chuckled before answering Yuta.

"Taeyong's fine. We got stuck up with things at hospital, so we couldn't call you. And no, nothing bad happened. We're on our way to home. And finally, if you can, can you _please_ hand over the phone to Johnny?"

Shuffling sounds were heard and soon Johnny's deep voice sounded through the phone.

> "Hyesung-Hyung? Is everything fine?"

"Everything's fine, Johnny. Yuta seemed too worried, so I thought it's better to talk to you, if I want to get things across someone."

> "Oh."

"And why isn't anyone else picking up their phones?"

> "They were creating a commotion at home about calling up Taeyong. So I had to time them out and seize their phones. They're at home and safe. Don't worry about them. What's the thing you want to tell me?"

"Yes. We're heading home with Taeyong. And he's asleep. So I just wanted to give a heads-up, so that you won't crowd him. He's absolutely tired." Hyesung explained. Johnny let out a hum, indicating that he'll be working on that. 

> "Kun called."

"Really?" Hyesung wasn't even shocked at this point. _How could he even expect to escape the whole fiasco so easily?_

> "Hmm. And he knows. So whatever it is, we have to tell the recent updates to them as well."

"I get it."

Since both the parties didn't look like they have anything else to say, Hyesung hung up.

One look in the rear-view mirror, and Hyesung couldn't describe the waves of relief that hit him, when he saw Doyoung's palm gently ruffling Taeyong's hair, whose head had slipped from Doyoung's shoulder to his lap, sometime while he was on the phone. Taeyong's face looked peaceful, the stress finally starting to wear off, and Doyoung's soft and endearing smile was like fixed on his face. Hyesung could almost imagine the various levels of relief the other members were going to feel, when the _new news_ is spilled.

There were times when Hyesung thought that he should quit. If SM wasn't good to its idols, it was nothing compared to the treatment it gives to its workers. It may be just a bundle of papers, managing schedules, but the number of all-nighters he had pulled to complete the work were so many, that he should be paid for overtime. But each morning as he faces the whiny and sleepy idols, filling into the vans in various levels of semi-conscious states, and when each one of them presents him with a sleepy yet bright enough ' _Good Morning_ ', he thinks that maybe, he should reconsider submitting the resignation letter that always rests in his lower drawer of his office desk.

The drive home seemed longer than it usually lasted, but it might be for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to update today, because it's Taeyong's birthday, but I seem to have an energy too low. So I thought this might cheer me up, with all the kudos, comments and bookmarks my work gets.
> 
> Also, I'll be updating this fic, on Wednesday every week, since if I update everyday, I'll be lagging back on my chapters.
> 
> PS. Since it's Taeyong Day, I would like to inform whosoever is interested, that I've started with a new Taeyong centric fanfic, which is...kind of a supernatural AU set in medieval times. But I think I'll finish with this work before starting with that.
> 
> Find me, or shout at me on @ChaJiHo2


	14. Chapter-14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to confuse Gege with Hyung. The Chinese members call Gege within themselves, but call the Korean members Hyung. I didn't know how the actually referred to, since there aren't much WayV-NCT interactions, so I just assumed this thing.

"Gege? What are you doing here?" Yangyang asked, as he saw Kun settled on his bed. The new hotel arrangements gave Yangyang his own hotel room, while Kun shared it with Sicheng and Hendery.

"I'll tell you about that later. I need this room for now." Kun demanded. He had a hand pressed to his phone, and his tone was urgent.

"But why-"

"I said later!" Kun's voice was strict. And of all the ways Kun had talked to him, strict was never one, until now. Yangyang was one of the younger members, and naturally, he was a bit of a prankster. But unlike the others, he knows the limits, and when things seemed like they crossed the line of 'Just a prank', he falls out, advising the others to do so, as well. So Kun never had a reason to raise his voice at him, or use his authority of leader or being elder.

Yangyang silently shuffled out of the room, still wondering what wrong he did. He entered Kun's shared room, and since Sicheng and Hendery were already off to dreamland, he settled down on Kun's bed, supposedly reflecting on his action. _What the hell did he do wrong?_

After sometime, when he decided that the phone call must have ended, he trodded back to his room, footsteps careful and peeked inside his room. Kun sat in the middle of his bed, head in his hands, and phone lay haphazardly on the bed, next to him. Yangyang closed the door as soundlessly as possible, and made his way into the room.

"I'm sorry." Kun said, scratching the back of his neck. Yangyang laughed it off,though he had felt hurt, and settled down to surf through his phone. Kun got mad at him, but he apologized immediately, so things are considered settled now. But with Kun standing just next to him was somewhat distracting, so when he raised his head again, he realized the elder didn't make any move to leave for his own room.

"Kun-ge? Is something wrong? You look troubled." Yangyang asked, putting his phone back on the bed, and making space for Kun to settle down. Yangyang was sure it wasn't anything related to their performances or schedules, because it was discussed at the breakfast table in the morning, and for once it was a bit inclined to their own comforts. Not too stuffed, yet enough time to interact and meet with their fans.

"Taeyong-Hyung." Yangyang wasn't much close to the elder, because they debuted just an year back and since then they promoted majorly in China. But from what he heard from Kun, Ten or Sicheng, he was a good leader, and definitely a sweet hyung. But he still couldn't connect the dots, as to why Kun was so stressed over something related to Taeyong.

"What about Taeyong-Hyung, gege?"

"He's not well." Kun sighed, letting hishead fall into the waiting hands. Yangyang was still confused. _If Taeyong-Hyung isn't well, shouldn't he go to the hospital? Then everything will be fine, right?_

"Did he go to the hospital?" 

Kun nodded, but the distress was still very much present, from the way his shoulders slumped, and his head hanged low.

"Then everything should be fine." Yangyang concluded, though he knew Kun was far from convinced. Frustrated, Kun shook his head, pulling at his hair, and looked on the verge of crying.

"I'm not sure if doctors can fix that." He whispered, despite the violent actions he was doing to calm himself.

"Is that so bad? Is Taeyong-Hyung gonna-" Yanyang cut himself, as Kun's phone rang again, the caller ID having a name that Yangyang thought he heard somewhere. Kun immediately picked up the phone, pressing it close to his ears, his grip tight and desperate. Yangyang didn't hear anything from the other line, voice muffled throughout, but the shock on Kun's face was indicating _something_.

_Is Taeyong-Hyung going to be alright?_

* * *

"So maybe we should wait for Taeyong to wake up, before we talk about the trip? He would prefer explaining himself." Hyesung suggested, but by the way he spoke, it sounded more like an order. The members had gathered around Taeyong's bed, like honeybees around a hive. Thankfully, they were quiet enough, so Hyesung let them watch their leader for a little longer. He won't blame them. Taeyong was out of sight for merely 5 hours, and while it was long, it was nothing compared to the day-long schedules Taeyong generally had. _Then again, Taeyong never left the house, with his members thinking that he had cancer. So the worry was justified._

The members reluctantly shuffled out of the room, legs clearly heavy to carry, but one look from Hyesung, and they knew they had to.

"Go back to your rooms. We'll order for dinner today, so go take some time for yourself. We'll talk after dinner." Everyone went into the rooms, though not particularly theirs, but Hyesung didn't question. Johnny was the only one left, after a moment, and Hyesung turned a questioning gaze to him.

"Kun?" He asked, and Hyesung was suddenly reminded of the mess that awaited him. Taeyong's peaceful face made him forget all the problems for a while, but _his problems don't cease to exist, if he simply forgets them._

"I'll talk to him personally. You go rest." He said, pushing Johnny away- playfully- when he reached closer, probably to explain more. "You deserve it."

"So do you, Hyung." Johnny argued, with no actual heat in his tone, but he simply went back into his room. Hyesung was left in the living room, Johnny's words somewhat stuck to him.

He moved into the room he shared with Doyoung, but the younger wasn't there. He settled down on the mattress, shuffling through the contacts till he reached _'WayV Kun_ '. The members teased Hyesung that their relationships are all business ones, as all their names were saved in the similar way, as well. ' _NCT Taeyong_ ', ' _NCT Johnny_ ' and so on. But it always made searching easy, especially when his mind is on auto-pilot mode, like now.

The phone barely gave a ring, before the dial tone ceased. But the receiver never spoke anything, so Hyesung cleared his throat before he started.

"I heard from Johnny that you know- um- about the recent events." Hyesung didn't know Kun so well, just meeting sometimes when he went to drop them off at the WayV dorms. Kun was a leader, just like Taeyong, and one thing SM is never wrong in doing, is choosing its leader. So he doesn't have to sugarcoat the facts as he stated them to Kun. _He won't need to._

The line was still eerily silent, but Hyesung continued nonetheless. "We went to the hospital. I don't know how strange it will sound, but I'll tell you." Hyesung took a deep breath. Declaring it with his own mouth meant that he knew it was the truth, he suddenly realized. Had he realized earlier, he would have shouted it out to the world.

"Taeyong- He... Nothing's wrong with him." _There it went. The kids were fine. His kids were fine. He didn't even realize how much of a family they had become, until he felt the fear of them leaving._

Kun still didn't have words, but something told him that the boy was going through the early stages of denial. It won't be long until the acceptance sinks in, though.

Soon enough, a rough sigh was heard on the phone, and Hyesung expected the younger to say something, _anything_ , to deny the fact. _Well, that's what he did at first too._

> "Not a prank, right?"

Kun asked, his Korean broken and barely legible, but Hyesung could easily recognize the hope in the voice.

"Positive. Taeyong's fine. Absolutely." Hyesung pondered for a while, before speaking again. "Well, if migraine counts..." Kun's barely present laughter was what made him smile for genuine, after what felt like ages.

> "No. Something else I need to know?" 

"I won't call it necessary. We can have this talk some other in some other setting as well, hopefully with a lot more brighter air around us." Hyesung ensured. Kun hummed.

> "I'll get going then. Thanks, hyung."

Kun's tone wasn't any different from when he first spoke, the younger having done a pretty good job in covering it up, but the slight relief and the loss in tension in his words was more than obvious to anyone who knew him. And though he didn't know him _personally_ , he knew them, in _general_. The leaders.

When Hyesung first entered SM, he thought that he would be in cloud nine, enjoying his life like no one else. But when he was told that he would take up the job of the manager of a newly debuting idol group, he was shocked, to say the least. He was not expecting _field jobs_. Moreover the group didn't even have a definite amount of kids, always and ever expanding. The walk back to his desk from the Chief's cabin, after he received the news, was longer than ever, his head stuffed with thoughts.

When NCT debuted, he boasted to every one of his friends, how much pressure he had, and how well he handled. But now that the situation comes down to this, he feels infinite shame, since he saw these males, who are too young to handle things, being given responsibilities. But then again, when was any of them too young to handle this. They lost the youth in them, when they chose this path. But he knew none of them regret it, not even when they cried to their pillows about how much it _hurt_. After all, they had each other to take care of.

"When are you coming back?"

> "Hopefully next week. We're almost done with schedules here. Just some events, and an interview, and done."

"We'll meet then." Hyesung said, and cut the line.

He may have it a difficult way with NCT, but he'll never change it for the world.

* * *

"Did he tell you anything?"

"Nothing. Just sent me off, when I started about Kun."

Haechan shot up from his position. "Kun-Hyung knows?! How?"

"I don't know. But a safer guess would be the Dreamies. Chenle or Renjun." Haechan nodded, before he got up from his own bed and settled on Johnny's. The elder had no problem accommodating him, shifting to make a place, and wrapping an arm around him once he settled.

"Hyung?" Johnny hummed, but Haechan looked like he was in a dilemma.

"Taeyong-Hyung... He looked different, right?"

Johnny had seen. The leader was asleep in Hyesung's arms, when they carried him upstairs, but Taeyong's features were oddly calm, and even Doyoung seemed strangely different. Johnny couldn't put his finger on anything that was _actually_ wrong, but the things looked... different.

"He did." He agreed, and Haechan pushed himself further into Johnny's arms.

"Do you think something happened, at the hospital? I mean, it isn't normal that it takes 5 hours for an appointment." Haechan wondered, and to state the point, he was right. Hospital trips didn't last longer than an hour or two, unless the patient has to be admitted. So five hours are too long and too _strange_.

"If something is wrong, we'll know when Taeyong wakes up later. Let's rest till then." Johnny stated, shifting his body to that he's face-to-face with Haechan. His arms are still wrapped around the younger, and Haechan shifts a little down, so he could press his face in Johnny's chest. He let out a contented hum, like a cat's soft purr, and something in Johnny relaxed at that.

"I'm sorry for the timeout, earlier." Haechan shook his head.

"Though I hate to admit, we deserved it, hyung. You have nothing to be sorry about. Taeyong-Hyung would have done just the same." Johnny knew it. He knew Taeyong would have done the same thing- locking the kids away, confiscating their phones, and stuff like that, when things get out of hand. But Johnny doing it felt different. Things like these punishments were a power and permission only their leader held, and Johnny had absolutely no right to punish them, when all they did was worry.

"I can hear you thinking, hyung. Just sleep." Heachan chided, and to rove his point, snuggled even closer, if it was possible. "We can be quite a handful of chaotic kids if we want to, so stepping out of your line to stop us from stepping out of our own is- kind of- justified." He murmured, and soon enough drifted off to sleep. Johnny followed, his heart lighter than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having another of my entrance tests tomorrow, so I thought why not update today!!
> 
> YAY!!! It's my birthday week!!! Unfortunately no gifts.. :(
> 
> It ended up being almost midnight by the time I finished editing, so its officially Wednesday. I'm on time, everyone.
> 
> Also, I didn't realize, but Kun became the last one and the first one to know about Taeyong's condition, if you know what I mean.


	15. Chapter-15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAAAAYYYYY......It's my birthday, and I finally feel like updating...
> 
> And if people have observed something has changed....
> 
> And yeah, I also wanted to thank all those people who have wished me birthday in advance...it's just a birthday wish, but it lights up my day💜💜

Yuta couldn't find his words. Scratch it. He couldn't find his _voice_. Taeyong sat on the floor, his eyes looking expectantly at his friend, and trust Yuta, when he says he wants to congratulate him. But his mouth just wouldn't fall open. The muscles jammed, as if it had its own dance practice session. Just in the afternoon, he was bothering Johnny about anything and everything, too worried about Taeyong not returning, but now his mouth simply wouldn't open. Well, honestly he doesn't even know what to say.

 _Congratulation? It's fine? That's great?_ Would any of it make sense? 

So Yuta rather settled upon his own question, more like a confirmation.

"So you're fine that means? No brain cancer or things like that?" Taeyong shook his head, and the smile that was brighter than ever, settled back on his face. Maybe it was what triggered it, but the waterworks in Yuta's eyes exploded. He felt himself being maneuvered into another pair of stronger arms, and a small wet patch at the collar of his shirt, where a face pressed into him, but Yuta couldn't focus on just one thing.

"I hope it's relief." Taeyong's low voice filled in his ears, and even its haze, Yuta's brain could _never_ not recognize Taeyong's voice. He nodded, because _Yes, it's the relief that's hitting in waves of so much intensity that he didn't even think he could handle them._

"Hyung?" A hesitant voice ringed the background, demanding Taeyong's attention, probably asking the same question again and again. Maybe saying it for so many times will make it feel real, so if it does, he's willing to hear as it many times as possible. As long as everything is fine, and no one of them is dying, he can give up days of sleep to listen to truth, which for once is so _so sweet._

"I told Kun about it, so you guys don't have to worry about him. The company wasn't even aware from the start, so we won't have any trouble managing that. I have ordered dinner for you, so eat that and let's end today." Hyesung informed. The others still seemed to be in some daze, until the dinner arrived and they fed on it.

* * *

"I'll be back after checking up on Taeyong-Hyung."

"Can I?" Johnny looked back, into the requesting and desperate eyes of the younger, so he relented.

"Fine. Just don't stress him." Haechan pouted.

"I never do." Johnny let out an exasperated sigh.

"You do, Hyuck. Your presence itself is a huge reason for our stress. Now go before I change my mind."

"We'll talk, okay? I'll show you what exactly getting stressed by Donghyuck is. I'll be back." Haechan waved as the door to their room closed.

Haechan hopped to Taeyong's room, clearly not just intending check on him, but also to strike some bizarre conversation with him. It won't be the first time that he would be having such _intellectual Donghyuck talks_ with anyone, and he absolutely missed talking to Taeyong without putting any filter to his mouth.

The door creaked open as Haechan stood in the doorway, face adorned with a smile, but unfortunately, there was no one to receive it. Haechan looked around the room, searching for Taeyong, and each second his panic kept on rising. He went into the living room, just to make sure, he didn't miss the sight of the elder sitting there, but the room was empty, and the dorm was eerily quiet for anyone else to be situated in the living room. He quietly checked in the others room, thankful that they were all asleep, but he couldn't help but worry about their leader.

Taeyong wasn't a baby, needing to be looked after, but Taeyong himself had agreed that this small disaster has left everyone more worried and _clingier_ , including Taeyong. So anyone who missed Taeyong was allowed to find him, even in the middle of the night, and even if they already did so barely an hour back.

Haechan was already considering waking up Hyesung, or at least informing Johnny, but a rational part of his mind guided him to the dorms upstairs. He already knew the passcode, so he silently entered, but the dorm was even quieter than the lower one. Still he made sure to peak into the rooms, checking each room for any trace of any foreign body on the bed.

"Hyuck?" Yuta asked sleepily, as Haechan was about to close the door. Haechan flinched, not expecting anyone to wake up.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Yuta asked, already out of his bed, worry etched on his face.

"Nothing, hyung. Go back to sleep." Yuta shook his head.

"Something is troubling our youngest, and I'm not and can not go back to sleep without helping." Yuta declared as he dragged Haechan into the living room, settling him down on the sofa before getting a glass of water for him.

"Now tell me. What's wrong?" Yuta asked, as Haechan gulped down half the glass and set it on the table.

"I was looking for Taeyong-Hyung." Yuta inhaled sharply, and Haechan could practically hear the alarms going off in his mind.

"Where's he?"

"I don't know. That's why I'm searching. He was supposed to be in his bed, and I went to check on him, but he wasn't there."

"Have you checked the members' rooms?" Haechan nodded, and Yuta got up from his place on the sofa.

"I think I know where he is." He said, before running off the door of their dorms. Haechan followed, barely catching up before the doors to the elevator closed. The elevator was going up, until the last floor, and suddenly, Haechan had an idea where this was going. The ding sound followed by the opening of the doors led them onto the top-most floor of their building, and another flight of stairs led them to their destination- the rooftop.

The air was cold- the remains of the winter that was slowly withering away, but the temperature wasn't too low, so it was a plus point. Yuta dashed off to the area behind the storage room, generally hidden by the walls- that's a place Taeyong likes to sit when he wants to be alone. Haechan followed, and thankfully, he found an utterly confused Taeyong with an almost fuming Yuta next to him.

"What were you trying to do? Running off to the roof without telling anyone." Yuta scolded, but the worry bled out into his tone of anger. Taeyong opened his mouth to argue, but Yuta's voice cut him off.

"I would have literally called the cops if not for the last moment thought to check here. I was about to tell the managers-"

"Can you relax for a moment, Yuta? I'm not going anywhere, and I think I left a note in my room that I'm fine and would be available only on the call for sometime, if you think you really need me?" Haechan shuffled on his feet, stuttering to answer.

"I-I didn't s-see that."

"That's alright. How about you settle down here with me for a while? It's nice and fresh here." The place wasn't anywhere near dangerous, and maybe Taeyong was just really using some time for himself, which they obviously had to destroy.

"The sky is clear tonight, isn't it?" Taeyong remarked, as he lay back in his back to stare at the vastness of the night sky. The moon shone brightly, and even though it wasn't full moon, it was enough to bathe Taeyong's face in a beautiful natural light. They sat quietly, basking in the comfortable silence, before Haechan spoke up. He was visibly calmed after finding Taeyong, and he had also lost himself in the dark yet inviting night view.

"Don't you think stars hate to be stared at?"

"Why do you think so? We don't hate it when thousand and thousands of people come to watch us perform, then why would the stars hate it?"

"Maybe because they don't want to perform? Maybe because they are in front of thousands of people just because they have to be, but don't want to."

"Maybe they did at some point, but got used to it over time?" Haechan turned to Taeyong at that.

"What do you mean, hyung?" Taeyong smiled softly.

"Didn't you say you had stage fear before you auditioned to SM? Now see how bright you shine in two of our units, as a soulful singer. Will you now say that you hate watching our fans staring at us?" Haechan shook his head, awed at the answer.

_Maybe its the same case this time. They needed time to get used to it, and thus would be needing yet more to get back to the normal. They will need time to get used the truth, just as they got used the **false** truth, but they can do it. Yuta believes, and so does Taeyong. And so do everyone. And what brings them back to normal isn't the medical report they brought back home, but the will and determination in their hearts to do so. Everything is fine, and they'll be so too. Slowly, but definitely._

"And I think we should go back before anyone actually calls the cops to report us missing."

* * *

  
"Where the hell were you?" Johnny growled, and Taeyong was immediately sorry for causing trouble, as an equally worried Hyesung staring at them with his bed head.

"I'm sorry." Taeyong muttered, but he was cut off from muttering further apologies, when Johnny hands wrapped around his torso. His neck bent down to rest on his shoulder, and though the position must have been uncomfortable, Taeyong knew that Johnny was strangely relieved, judging by the content sigh.

"Just tell us before you go anywhere."

"I left a note-"

"Not some strange coded note, which sounds awfully similar to some suicide note." Johnny let out a choked laugh, and Taeyong pulled back to notice the streaks of tears on Johnny's face.

"I was scared, for God's sake." He mumbled in Taeyong's neck, and it just helped to fuel Taeyong's guilt.

"I'm not leaving you, John."

"I know. I know that you won't be leaving us any time soon. But the scare was too much." Taeyong understood. Because he himself feels like that. The very first reason he was on the rooftop, was because he woke up from the short uncomfortable nap he slipped into, and woke up not feeling his limbs for a second. Taeyong was unable to shake off the dread that followed, and he ended up on the rooftop to relax.

"How about you get to your rooms? It's quite late. We can talk about it tomorrow." Hyesung suggested, already heading back to his room, yawning on the way.

The discussion was upheld till the morning, when everyone was in their senses, and weren't running high on emotions and extremely low on sleep.

* * *

  
"Where did you find him?"

"Rooftop. His place." Johnny hummed his acknowledgement. The bed sheets muffled the soft groan Yuta let out as he settled on Haechan's bed.

"Why does hyung like that place? And why is that _his place_?" Haechan wondered, as he made himself comfortable on Johnny's side.

"He generally goes there when he's upset, or stressed."

"Maybe it gives him some sort of control, looking at the world from the top." Yuta answered, as he faced the ceiling above him, hand beneath his head. From what he knows, Taeyong always wanted some sort of escape from his daily life, when things got too much. Those were the times when units comebacks were packed together, or when scandals forced him to release statements that apologized for some things he never did, or just because SM demands so much from them, from _him_ , but he is already giving them all he has.

Taeyong once told him how that feels, when Yuta had followed him to the rooftop. He hated how the members relaxed when he was so stressed, but at the same time he hated the fact that he felt that way. He was supposed to be a leader, a guiding figure for them, but here he was- running away from them and wishing that _he_ was happy instead of them.

"Yeah. And probably distract him from whatever is troubling him. The bustle in the city is quite interesting, even if it just a car passing by. You can never get your eyes off things." Johnny agreed. Haechan was already off to the dreamland during the gap between Yuta and Johnny's conversation, and the rest of the two also weren't that enthusiastic to hold up the conversation, so soon, the room was filled with low breathing and soft snores.

_For once, none of them dreamed of one of them dying, so maybe it may not take so much of time. Their recovery._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who haven't observed, '?' has changed!!!
> 
> Which means I'm completed with my fic, and would be updating the last chapter by...probably next week...
> 
> Anyways, have a happy reading time, be safe and stay healthy!!!


	16. Chapter-16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every sentence needs a full stop. Every story needs an ending.
> 
> Every situation needs a closure.

"I'll be fine! Just stop following me like lost puppies."

Taeyong absolutely didn't want to point out the fact that Mark and Jungwoo prancing around him all the time was irritating, but no way he was going to a meeting at SM with two members tailing him, when he's supposed to be alone.

The situation had gotten better, though it's been just two days since the D-Day. _If better meant **this**._ Kun had called, and Taeyong had to convince him for nearly half an hour that he's not _that shaken_ as he assumes him to be. Taeyong was not ready to feel anything beyond the utter relief that followed the news, though the euphoria was starting to wear off and other emotions started to bleed in.

"But hyung!" Mark whined, but he didn't have any appropriate stand to support himself, so Taeyong took it as his win.

"Look. I'll be back by the evening, and don't worry, I'll have lunch at SM. I have another appointment in the evening, and then I promise, we'll have a movie night as a compensation. How does that sound?" Mark liked the sound of it, and Jungwoo wasn't the one to say no to movie nights, so finally, Taeyong was breathing some fresh air, for the first time without his _guards_ surrounding him.

"Ready?" Hyesung asked, and Taeyong nodded. The engine roared to life as the car took off to the company's building.

"Maybe you shouldn't have lied to them. About the hospital appointment."

"I didn't lie. Also, if I tell them the truth, I risk getting one of my hands plucked off my body, an ear eaten out out, or even getting my head stuffed between some buffed muscles. I'm sorry, but I'm not ready for that. Pass."

Hyesung laughed out loud, but it soon settled down.

"But seriously. I think you should tell them."

"Come on, hyung. I'm just going to get some medicines. Its nothing related to the cancer thing. It's over, hyung. However they deny that. They're scared, I understand. But that doesn't mean I'm ready to accept every nonsense they brew. Going to hospital isn't anything bad, if only it makes you better." Taeyong leaned back into his seat with a sigh.

"Can we leave it at this, hyung? The company is already gonna have shit filled in my mind for the rest of the day, so let me have my peace of mind for some time." Hyesung nodded as he shifted his attention back to the road.

* * *

  
"You can collect them at the medical store downstairs. Or you can inform the receptionist, and they can arrange them for you." Dr. Yoon declared as he closed the file and handed it back to Taeyong. He pulled his specs down, now facing Taeyong.

"How are things at the dorms?"

"If normal means being cuddled out of life, or being restricted for practice... then everything is absolutely normal." Taeyong joked, leaning back into the chair. The air in the room was different since the last time he visited; a lot more comfortable, and a lot less frustrating.

"Not that I'm supporting them, but they must have been worried."

"Point. But still... migraine is not a reason to ban me from practice. Even Hyesung-Hyung is allowing them to do so." Taeyong whined.

"Well, then I'll have to thank Hyesung-ssi for doing his job well, because you're supposed to be resting, Taeyong. Do you even remember anything I said beyond the fact that you have no cancer?" He scolded, but Taeyong sighed.

"Nobody gets me. Leave me alone." Taeyong stood up from his seat and walked towards the door.

"Hey Taeyong!" Dr. Yoon called back, as Taeyong's palm landed on the door knob. He turned back to look at Dr. Yoon, gaze questioning.

"Get some help if you find it difficult. It's okay to reach out, sometimes." He said, and in a moment, he resumed surfing through the files on his desk, almost as if he didn't say some crazy, creepy and cringy stuff. Taeyong, too, behaved as if he didn't hear it and shuffled out of the room.

"Done?" Hyesung asked, as he got up from the chair. Taeyong followed Hyesung into the elevator, getting off on the ground floor. One look to a particular door, and Taeyong grabbed Hyesung's hand to stop him.

"Hyung. Can you wait here? I have some work in the ER. Don't worry, I'll be fine, and I'll be right back, so go and get the medicines." Hyesung seemed hesitant. "I'll call you, I promise. After I'm done."

"Doesn't help." Hyesung sighed, but still walked off to the entry/exit of the hospital.

  
Taeyong turned around to head for the ER, feet leading him to the familiar nurse desk. Luckily, Nurse Kim was already there, so he didn't have to ask around for her.

"Taeyong! What are you doing here?"

"Collecting my medicines." Nurse Kim nodded. Taeyong contemplated his decision, as he hesitated to ask for the particular person he was searching for.

"Um- Is Jisoo-ssi here?" Nurse Kim's eyes burrowed together.

"Jisoo?! Why do you need her?"

"Just wanted to talk to her. Don't worry, I'm not mad at her, and I just wanted her to know that." Nurse Kim took a while before she went inside to look for the said person. Taeyong waited impatiently, foot tapping at the floor, and fingers automatically finding his mouth. It wasn't until a while till he saw the familiar junior trainee nurse that caused the biggest turmoil in his life.

"Taeyong, you can talk outside the ER. There won't be much disturbance." Nurse Kim said, pointing to the the door, and Taeyong nodded as he went towards it. Jisoo followed. As soon as they were out of the ER, and of ear reach, Jisoo spoke first.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to. And that's what I wanted to tell you." Taeyong explained, as he bent towards the slightly shorter female. Her eyes were full of tears, and fear was very much evident through her posture, and Taeyong felt it is as all the more reason to just _forgive her. It's not that she did it intentionally, right? And as long as it is a mistake, he might just forget and forgive._

"But I made a mistake." She took a pause, letting out a huff of air before continuing to finish, her words having low and grave tone to them. "And it must have been difficult for you."

"That's true, Jisoo. I lived three painfully long days thinking I had some deadly disease that can't be cured. Thinking that I would die even before I create a family for myself. And at some point of time, I wanted to end it with my own hands, before something else gets me." Jisoo gasped at it, but Taeyong continued.

"But do you know what else I got to know? What else I experienced? Life. Love. I have looked at life from a very different perspective than I did in the past 25 years. I realized how much people love me, much more in these 3 days than in the past 25 years. Sure, I was scared to death. _Of death_. I'll have to work hard to get that thing out of my mind, but other than that, everything else is fine. And as long as nothing is wrong, and I'm not going to die a premature death, I'm ready to take it as just an experience." Jisoo was still holding her head down, so Taeyong addressed her directly.

"So, what I'm saying, Jisoo, is that, what you did is a mistake. And as long as you are sorry, and there is no physical harm, I'm ready to go for a peaceful settlement. So the bottom line is- you're not going to get fired, just because I complained against you."

The effect was almost immediate- Jisoo's head snapped up, eyes wide in surprise.

"You are not?" Taeyong bobbed his head in confirmation, and before he could get any other statement out of his mouth, Hyesung was already standing at the far end of the corridor.

"Hey, Taeyong! If you're done, we're leaving." Taeyong gave up on saying anything else, deciding it was enough of a clarification he needed, and bowed a little before heading towards Hyesung.

"Let's go home, Hyung."

* * *

"So you're saying you heard that, and you didn't think it important enough to tell us?! What the fuck, Doyoung?" Yuta almost growled. He usually did that a lot when he is angry, which means when he is tired and sensitive, which in turn, is almost everyday night. But this was different, because a ' _Johnny_ ' wasn't there to hold him down, but was rather supporting him.

"I don't have to report anything to you. I'm not working under you." Kim Doyoung is nothing without sass.

"You know that's what I mean. Taeyong's gone to hospital, for God knows why, and while he didn't tell us for some stupid reason, you chose to not tell us for some witless one of yours."

"I didn't want them to find out I was eavesdropping."

"Who are you lying to? There's no reason to believe it, howsoever plausible it seems, because it's _you_ , Doyoung." Johnny's voice was a stark contrast to Yuta's loud and panicked one, but strangely, it sent a colder shiver down his neck than Yuta's did. And even in this chaos, Doyoung couldn't help but notice on thing- Johnny always hit the best spot when he is determined to do so.

"Taeyong-Hyung needs some time for himself, don't you think?" Doyoung blurted out, suddenly unwilling to keep his thoughts to himself, now that they are causing so much of a trouble.

"What do you mean by that? He has plenty of time to himself."

"He doesn't. Every time he manages to find a place and time to cool himself off, someone finds him and clings to him. He never denies, but you can practically see how we have kept him so occupied that he doesn't even have some time to himself." Doyoung felt as if he should be ashamed for not realizing earlier. _And here he calls himself their mom, when he can't even read his closest friend properly._

"He'll tell us when he feels when things get too stuffy for him. I told him to." Johnny rebukes, but the only thing Doyoung can manage at that is a scoff.

"And you thought he will. You're speaking as if you don't know Taeyong-Hyung. We won't tell us he's sick, until he's down at practice. And you expect him to tell us when he feels like he had enough of us, just because you told him to?"

Johnny wasn't as expressive as Yuta, when it came to reacting to Doyoung's statement, but suddenly he felt as if he was missing on something important related to his best friend. The room was silent for a while, with Yuta and Johnny basking in Doyoung's realization, while Doyoung just delved more into it.

_How is Taeyong feeling? Did someone ask him? They weren't the one who were written off as a cancer patient, and they definitely weren't who felt like they were drowning, until they realized the water barely came up to their waist. Shock and relief were something else, but Taeyong must have been embarrassed about reacting that way. And knowing the leader, Doyoung knew he wasn't far off from the truth._

"So you're saying that Taeyong wanted some time away from us, that's why he chose to take the hospital trip alone?" Yuta's tone was nowhere accusing, just questioning. Doyoung couldn't be more thankful to God, whether he believed in Them or not is another thing. Taeyong had a good family of friends. _So did he._

"Maybe, maybe not. He might have just visited to clear some balances, to get medicine, or any other reason we may or may not know. _Which we don't need to_. If Taeyong-Hyung decided it's not important enough, then it must not be. These three days didn't change Taeyong-Hyung's position as leader, nor did they effect his decision-making skills."

There was an awkward silence in the room- Doyoung wasn't the one who took up the role of summing up and bringing an end to the discussions. Johnny cleared his throat after a while, and settled down on the sofa.

"Then we'll wait for Tae, and have some talk with him." _Whose topic is already known._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are ending, and I'm kind of having mixed feelings about this. I am happy this story was loved so many people, who took time to leave kudos and constructive comments. I wanted to wait till the last chapter- I especially wanted to address some of my readers, who encouraged me by leaving comments on every chapter.
> 
> I hope the story strives to meet everyone's expectations. 
> 
> You can always talk to me or contact me at @ChaJiHo2
> 
> PS. I am working on another NCT Taeyong-Centric fanfic right now, and will soon start uploading it. Please look out for it....Thank you for loving this story and its author💜💜💜


	17. Chapter-17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's all for now, my friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all my lovely readers for staying till the end. This story was a good experience and a wonderful memory for me. Hope it was a good journey for you as well.
> 
> And as I promised, a happy ending!!
> 
> Love  
> Ji Ho

With tear-stricken faces, Taeyong, Doyoung, Johnny and Yuta went to bed that night. The conversation was an eye opener for them to their own feelings. They had already decided to have the same conversation with the younger members the next morning, though it would be a lot more filtered and more inclined towards decision-making, than the emotional roller coaster it was that night.

"Hyung, why didn't you tell us?" Doyoung asked as he snuggled into Taeyong. Yuta refused to go back to the upper dorms, and as a loser of the childish Rock-Paper-Scissor game, Yuta had to take Doyoung's bed in his room, while Doyoung got to enjoy the luxury of sleeping in Taeyong's bed. Not that Taeyong didn't whine- ' _Why is no one asking me who I want to be with?_ '- but he was quickly shut up when Doyoung replied- ' _Because you'll be unable to choose between two of your best friends._ ' Now, Taeyong wouldn't call it losing to Doyoung, but Doyoung wasn't wrong.

"Should I say that even I wasn't clear about it? I don't know. Maybe I just didn't want to have an emotional overload, so I kept on denying whatever I was feeling."

"So why did you tell us, today?" Doyoung was curious, or should he say suspicious. Taeyong was a man of strong-will, so him deciding to share his emotions, after deciding to lock them up, wouldn't have been an easy decision.

"When I went to the hospital today, I met the nurse who told me that I had cancer. I know she should be sorry for it, and trust me, she is. I just want to finish it, because the longer I hold on to those emotions, to the anger, the longer it's going to hurt. Because it's me who's choosing not to forget. So I let it go. I told her I'm not sueing her or anything, that she won't get in any trouble because of me." Taeyong looked at Doyoung to observe his reaction. And finally, in a small voice, he admitted. "It felt nice. Letting it go. Now it feels like I can finally forget everything and move ahead."

Doyoung didn't know why, but he felt extremely proud of the elder right now.

"We all should now, I think. Leave it behind. It's over, and the first thing we should do to acknowledge is get back to schedule. Tomorrow, we are going for practice, and you're coming together."

Taeyong shot up at it, and it had Doyoung scoffing.

"You're still going to keep it down. No practicing after us, and having proper meals. I don't care what the company wants from us, but you're not dieting. Because, if you forgot, you still have a severe case of migraine, and we don't want it to get worse." For once, it seemed like Doyoung was the elder, and Taeyong was getting scolded.

_But it was one of their normals, and getting back at it, felt nice. Doyoung wasn't holding his tongue back, because he's some sick terminal patient. Taeyong wasn't being treated as glass, and now Taeyong himself wanted to believe- he isn't._

* * *

"Doyoung, can you pull Mark back from here? I'm afraid I won't be able to get anything ready for the kids. They are coming in what," Taeyong looked at the wall clock hanging in the kitchen, "an hour, and I barely have anything ready for them."

"Hyung! I don't think anything else you are going to prepare is going to fit in that table of ours, so for once stop it, for God's sake." Doyoung sighed exasperatedly, batting Taeyong's hands off the yet another utensil that he settled over the stove, to make God knows what.

Taeyong took off his gloves, settling them next to the sink, washing his hands off, and heading towards the living room.

Mark happily followed him, settling next to him on the sofa, where he was further surrounded by a barely awake Jungwoo. Blame Haechan wanting to play at midnight, though Jungwoo was all but a victim, when he himself wanted to play.

The next hour, they spent preparing a list of movies they wanted to watch leaving a blank where their guests were given the honor to choose, and fancying up the messy living room.

"Johnny, shouldn't you be shifting the sofa in the diagonal way, so we can make way for the mattress? I don't think you are considering the sleeping arrangements." Yuta shouted from Taeyong's bedroom, collecting the extra blankets and pillows.

"Half of us can still go upstairs, if you forgot. But still, 21 kids will still not settle in two dorms. So yeah, I'm shifting the sofa, so stop shouting at the top if your voice. It's irritating."

The bell rang exactly an hour later, and suddenly there was a lively hustle in the living room of the lower dorms of NCT 127. _Again, only an NCT thing._

The Dreamies settled in Haechan's room for the first half hour, chattering about the daily news of their own dorms. Chenle's excited voice, in its original dolphin tone could be clearly heard, even though the door was closed, but Taeyong was happy that he could hear their voice. _The happiness in their voice._

The WayV members were still new to the dorms, so Yuta dragged them around to show them the rooms. It was first time for Yangyang and Hendery, though Xiaojun came around only once, when Kun had visited them. Kun settled around the living room, along with Doyoung and Ten, catching up on their daily lives.

Even from where Taeyong stood in the kitchen, he could easily tell that Kun was bragging about the WayV kids, about how Xiaojun was doing his best to learn Korean without sounding like a fool, how they were doing so good in the Korean reality shows, even though some of them barely managed to speak it. And Taeyong couldn't help the large grin that settled on his face, looking at how well _Kun had grown up_. If Taeyong could remember, Kun was still younger than him, and handling the duties of not just the leader, but a resident translator, wasn't an easy job. But Taeyong wouldn't rest a breath to agree- _Kun's the best at his duties._

The chitter-chatter went around for another hour, and finally all of them gathered in various stages of hunger. And even though at the end of lunch, everyone was equally satiated, Taeyong still thought that maybe just another dish wouldn't have been that bad. _Too bad, Doyoung doesn't agree._

Even the floor fell short for the 21 kids that gathered around the TV, so some where given the priviledge to watch their own movie on the desktops or laptops in the rooms. _All but one_. Taeyong was situated on the sofa, utterly and completely bored by the movie that was running, and was about to nod off to the dreamland, if not for hand on his shoulder.

"Hey hyung. You sleepy?" Kun asked, his voice soft. Taeyong could have answered, but he chose to nod.

"Get you to your room?"

"Do me that favor. I'm going to die of back ache if I doze off like this." Taeyong commented.

"Then wait while I set up my mattress in there, and then I'll take you in." Kun said, sliding off the sofa without attracting much attention. Taeyong was too sleepy to realize how much time had passed before Kun came back, and maneuvered him into his room. And even if someone noticed it (which he was certain they did), they kept their eyes trained on the movie running.

The bed was ready, just like Taeyong liked, and he let out a soft sigh as he settled into his blanket. Kun settled on the floor mattress next to his bed, and even though Taeyong's eyes were closed, he could feel Kun's gaze on him.

"Why do you keep us in dark?" Kun wasn't accusing him, Taeyong knew that. He was just curious as to why he was the last to know something so important (could have been more important, if it was _real_ ) about his hyung.

"That's not called keeping in dark. That's me protecting you, though I doubt anyone of you will call it that." Kun scoffed, but it was nowhere near the Doyoung scoff- frustrated and angry- just a soft refusal against his statement.

"That's definitely not protecting us, because we would have been grieving a lot more, if something were to happen to you, and we didn't know."

Taeyong knew. He still wasn't sure how good of a decision it was when he decided to keep the matter from Kun. Kun was in no way different from his family, but as a leader, Taeyong knew there were times when he wished people wouldn't come to him for help. There were times when he wished someone was there to _listen to him._

"You couldn't have done much even if you knew." Kun shook his head, but Taeyong continued nonetheless.

"I know there are times when you feel like you ought to do something, though you don't necessarily want to do it. And it feels bad, because whatever it is, it is for the best of my own team, my own family. It's fine to feel that way."

Kun was silent after that, and Taeyong somehow felt that Kun was starting to realize how easily he could relate to this.

"Does...Does that mean you feel so too?" Kun asked, unsure and hesitant. Taeyong turned in his bed, facing towards Kun.

"I do. Many times. That's what I'm saying. It's okay to feel so. Knowing my condition wouldn't have done any good, and you would have wanted to _not know_ once you did. You can't do anything, Kunnie."

Kun sighed, and it sounded so resigned that Taeyong wanted to help. But he knew better than to interrupt Kun while he took his time to classify things. _His emotions._

"I just sometimes wish I could hurt in their stead." Taeyong didn't have to ask to know who _they_ were, when he clearly knew one of _them_ is Taeyong, himself.

"Children can't suffer in parents stead, spouse can't suffer in loved one's stead, and parents can suffer in children's stead. No one can feel your pain better other than you do. All we could do is just understand. Well, _try_ to understand. And you're doing that good enough, Kunnie."

  
The room was silent after that, and soon the only sounds that filled the silence were those of silent breathing, and soft snoring, from both outside and inside the room. Even though half of the population of the dorms was supposed to be upstairs, here they were, 21 kids sprawled out in various angles- some on the sofa, some on the bed, some on the floor, and some in between them.

They all loved each other, they really did. But sometimes, they forgot to say it out loud. And this scare was enough for them to realize that sometimes, not all emotions can be expressed in your eyes. Some need to be uttered, out loud, so that it felt real. Each emotion they felt was valid, and each needs to be acknowledged- or else, it'll eat you up from inside.

And finally, Taeyong realized his luck wasn't as bad he expected it to be. Not when he has 20 kids he looks after, and who, when needed, look after him as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a small mention: when Taeyong tells Kun that he can't hurt in someone else's stead, the dialogue is from a KDrama- Doctor John. It is available on YouTube, and trust me- it's worth the watch. Jisung is really a good actor. (For those who don't know, please don't misunderstand, it's not NCT Jisung.(✿◠‿◠))
> 
> So a special thanks to meraki_catharsis, MyHiccupsAreInvincible (Thanks for following me on Twitter, btw(*^_^*)), Prachi and so many more viewers of my story, who made my day special by leaving comments on every chapter.
> 
> Also a very, very special thanks to Anonymous_Introvert78 for inspiring me to write this story. Though I don't know her much, she has been a vitamin for me through the rough times. She encouraged me, whenever I asked her to, and for that I would never forget her.
> 
> And to all those of my readers whose names I've forgotten to mention, I'm sorry, but I'm still very thankful for all the love I and my story have got💜💜
> 
> I'll be back soon, so stay happy and stay safe(❤ ω ❤)(❤ ω ❤)

**Author's Note:**

> If you are wondering which fic it is inspired from, please check White Dwarf by Anonymous_Introvert78. Though I would like the readers to check the Archive warning, though.


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